Shameful Otaku Secret!

Get out your eyepatches, yarrrr

As you may have heard, a sequel to the popular visual-novel-turned-anime ef: a tale of memories is coming in the next few weeks, hopefully to power us through the fall season angstily. ef seems to be a touchy topic: some people find it a perfect case for attempting to give an anime series a handjob, while others condemn it as artsy pretentiousness. In preparation for the upcoming ef: a tale of melodies, here are some nice election-year-ready arguments you can use around the dinner table when dealing with both the ef-ignorant and the ef-haters among your family and friends.

“I don’t like visual novel adaptations.”
This is probably the hardest one to start with. ef has all the trappings of a VN story. The girl with the tragic yet mysterious problem, the love triangle, the childhood friend, the mysterious stranger who observes the situation, and most of all, the wrenching melodrama. But you really have to boil it down not to what makes a VN what it is, but what makes it suck — and what ef does to counteract that.

1. Two stories, two males, three females. There’s your character roundup. Compare that to, say, a Shuffle! or even a Clannad, with a single male protagonist going up against a virtual Hinata Inn of girls. In ef, all characters are actually characters, not just potential pairings for a male lead. Essentially what I’m saying, a VN adaptation doesn’t necessarily mean a harem show.
2. The tsundere, the genki girl, a loli, the space cadet genius, blah blah, you won’t find them here. Miyako’s a little crazy, but like True Tears’ Noe, she’s a believable kind of crazy that you may have met/dated/gotten 100 voicemails from before.
3. It offers something different than just regular unrequited love or fake-ass distant courtship. I get so damn tired of these chaste anime kids who can’t even manage to hold hands. ef’s characters kiss, call each other out for corny lines, and even enjoy a little bit of the old in-out. That’s refreshing.
4. Speaking of refreshing, try this spoiler: Show ▼
   Childhood friend doesn’t win.
5. How many VN adaptations have the elements of suspense and darkness in ef? Not many, I’d wager, and School Days spent its first half being shitty.

“It’s all style and no substance.”
Well, it does have style. I suppose that means that most VN adaptation have no style and no substance? Fine by me, you go ahead and watch those, I’ll watch the one with style.

“Everyone thinks it’s so deep.”
I don’t see how that’s the animation’s fault. TV anime usualy lacks depth. Even Kaiba didn’t have that much to say in the end, though it said it well. So when something comes along that even implies a little depth, it’s latched onto by fans and the blogging world pretty quickly. Not the series’ fault if some people projected too much depth onto it. Perhaps the style seemed to imbue ef with a hidden meaning or depth that it didn’t really have. Either way, even if nothing was behind it, ef was provocative, and I don’t see how that’s bad.

“The animation is distracting.”
Touchy subject, so this one is multiple choice:

1. I find your breath distracting.
2. Your MOM’s distracting! Hooooo!
3. Give it a chance, it just becomes part of the show eventually and it’s not distracting anymore.
4. That shit was necessary. Without Shin Onuma and Shaft’s self-conscious “artsiness” (as an art-ignorant Philistine like yourself may call it), we’d never have The Phone Card Scene, one of the most harrowing and nail-biting bits of (melo)dramatic anime ever made.

“There are no lesbians.”
There are in some versions.

Anyway…

For a VN adaptation, or for a dramatic anime in general, ef works pretty well. It did away with some of the more standard symbols, shortcuts, and easy routes that anime romance often follows, and it did so with great style. This time around, we’ve seen all the tricks that ef had to offer, so is A Tale of Melodies going to have the same impact? Probably not, but under the stylistic uniqueness and the head-spin factor, A Tale of Memories was a very good, well-executed story that stood up to multiple viewings, and that bodes pretty well for its sequel.

The Tomoyo story

I’m probably the last person on the internet who spent his time blogging Clannad to write about the DVD-only episode, but whatever. I also cared less about Clannad than all those other people. As you probably know, the Kyoto Animation series is the third in their series of adaptations of Key/Visual Art’s visual novels. And in a visual novel, you can achieve multiple endings, with multiple females, if you replay the game. I don’t know much about that; to date the only visual novel I’ve played is Hinano’s RenAi Blogger, which was quite fun but weird because you may end up pursuing cartoonized versions of women in your Twitter contact list. It also took under an hour to play all paths, including the elusive Hinano Path, so I can’t call myself experienced.

Anyway, for Clannad’s DVD release, we get an alternative ending featuring Tomoyo. Of course Tomoya and Tomoyo is just too weird of a combo name to get my head around, but it seems to work in practice. In the story, our hero the deliquent Okazaki is dating student council president Tomoyo, and he is forced to break up with her because he’s holding her back. That’s about it, at the risk of saying more and “spoiling,” though I’m not sure how spoilable it is.

If you’re familiar with Clannad, or the other Key adaptations, you know what to expect, and you’ll get it: smooth and detailed animation, laid-back pacing, cinematic directing by Kyoto vet Tatsuya Ishihara (Air, Kanon, Clannad, Haruhi), and of a little bit of teary-eyed melodrama.

Clannad was rather short on the amped-up melodrama and super-tragic pathos that made Kanon or the final episodes of Air stick in peoples’ minds, but this faux episode 24 pretty much makes up for that. Tears? Yep. Kids breaking up in spite of still being in love? Here ya go. Sad girl in the snow? Fuck yes, you got it, son!

Was it good? I liked it just fine, although I’m not one of those shipping types or visual novel players who thought that Tomoya should have ended up with Tomoyo, or Kyou, or whoever. I thought Kyoto made a good story out of Nagisa, and that’s that. I’m in it for the anime. I can understand making the fans happy; after all, these guys made Haruhi. But is there any need to do multiple arcs? It feels sort of like going back on a commitment that you’ve made to telling a good story. Besides, aren’t we still waiting for the tragic-ass after-story OVA?

Ultimately, it was nice to see widescreen Clannad, and Kyoto Animation’s a fanboy fave for a reason — the execution really is a cut above. I mean, it’s really good, especially here on DVD. The lump in my throat was good too, but temporary and not really satisfying. It’s hard to build up a real emotional connection based on 23 minutes, especially if you spend 23 episodes building up a different one. Clannad fans, especially Tomoyo fans, should of course watch it, but don’t expect more than the little bonus treat it was intended to be.

Ask Sheryl

Diru Sheryru,
All my friends have breast implants and cybernetic vibro-tron vaginas. Then I see these monstrous Zentradi women with their blue hair and easy upskirt potential. How can I compete?
-Sadly My Assets a Little Liliputian, Tiny In the Torso

Dear Small Tits,
Don’t worry! I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but I’m alllll natural. In this day and age, especially on Galaxy, that’s really the exotic thing. By not sticking out, you’re standing out. By the way, have you heard the term “loli?”
♥Sheryl

Dear Sheryl,
I recently started dating a really sweet guy. He’s smart, a little bit of a bad boy, and he races cars! Problem is, I’m worried that he might be prettier than me. I’m no slouch, but his hair is just lustrous, and his skin is like soft porcelain.
-Worried, Hesitant About Trap

Dear What,
Oh, honey, if this is the least of your problems, then let it go! Don’t you know that men that pretty are all self-absorbed and wouldn’t dare be seen with a scrub? That must mean there’s at least something hot about you, even if it’s just your fashion sense. Take it as a compliment, but don’t let it go to your head. You’ll keep him around as arm candy a lot longer if you make him think he’s still the fanciest frog on the lily pad.
♥Sheryl

Oh Sherry,
I recently got dumped by my boyfriend. He was a pilot. You know, like the song? This is a little embarrassing to ask, but frankly I’ve been… frisky lately, and unable to shall we say vent the tension? I know you spend long periods of time on tour, and I thought maybe you might have some advice.
-Holding Out for Really Nice Yeoman

Dear Horny,
First, don’t invoke Steve Perry, you know those are old wounds! Second, do you have a cell phone?
♥Sheryl

Dear Sheryl,
How do you keep inspired? I’d like to become a singer too! I am small, but I have big dreams! I do have a muse, though. He’s very pretty.
-Hopeful Optimist On Frontier

Dear Hoof (?),
There seems to be a theme today. Well, at any rate, what you need to remember is that inspiration can strike you at any moment, so be prepared for it! I carry a pen and paper all the time in case I need to write lyrics, and if my stupid date has used all the paper to make paper airplanes, I’ll improvise if I have to. Also, rest assured: there will always be a backup band when you really need one.
♥Sheryl

Editor’s Note

Well, it’s a good Macross post if I spent entirely too much time on it. With Ranka’s surprised and disappointed glimpse at Alto and Sheryl on their “star date,” as the episode is titled, trace the exact moment that the Macross Triangle Effect began in earnest. The internet is ablaze this week with people absolutely loving Sheryl, in spite of the internet’s tendency toward rampant pedophilia (was that overly mean?), and I’m with them! Her Bitch Quotient is way down, but that might be because nothing’s standing in her way right now. She says (quite sexfully) that she likes Alto because he doesn’t treat her like a star, so what happens when the Kabuki Novelty is over?

Animation quality, on the other hand is sinking almost as fast as Leon’s rep. I hope they’re not running out of cash already. No bother, though — it’s still good, and hopefully they’re just saving for the next space battle. Either way, Macross is still my jam for this season. Also, have some ice cream.