Shameful Otaku Secret!

We are often give up!

Ah, summer. It’s a very special time in a boys’ life, that magical time when breasts are school is out and spring anime shows begin to show up in DVD editions. Some are there just because they’re popular shows, some entice buyers based on the fact that their TV counterparts were shoddily animated commercials for the discs, and some… Some add the more “complete” fanservice (nipples) they always intended.

Some of you may recall my “Ecchi Deathmatch,” that lightly-perverted panty-fest of doom; still others may have noticed that it just kind of petered out. Sadly, it was just too one-sided: The Tenchi retread To Love-Ru really didn’t stand a chance against Kanokon’s onslaught of panties, handjobs, spankings, and anilingus. Even that sentence shocked me a little.

You and me both, kid. Try just not watching, it really has been great.

So in the name of faux journalism (boobs), showing my dedication to everyone out there, I grabbed a couple DVD versions of To Love-Ru’s first couple episodes, hoping that it might be able to redeem itself at least in the “tee-hee, boobies” department.

What’s different

First thing you’ll notice is the widescreen (boobs). If you’ve been following the TV episodes (which I stopped doing quite a ways back), those are 4:3. That can’t hurt.

Well, it could, I guess — because now there’s more TLR to see.

And how. The real reason for bringing out a shitty show like this to DVD is to make real cash showing the nipples you couldn’t get onto the TV. TLR did a “great” job utilizing the rays of the sun and shower steam, along with “creatively placed” soap foam and lens flares, to obscure the tits and ass naughty bits. This allowed for more nudity than Kanokon, but in essence provided more coverage. Example? In Kanokon, there were Chizuru’s heart-shaped pasties. Those things looked like nipples, and while Lala may have actually been nude in the corresponding episode, it’s obvious whose viewers got the better jugs deal.

So now, we get those same nipples, in those same scenes, neither obscured nor encumbered by anything other than their own horrid art quality. And, actually, there’s still a lot of fog and sunbeams, too, now that you mention it. So, you deserve a cookie for actually spotting the nipples. Well, I’m so pleased. Fucking banzai.

No really. Own peril. But the cookie awaits.

What’s exactly the same

To Love-Ru’s first couple episodes are just as mind-numbingly stupid the second or third time around as the first. Everything you’ve ever hated about a fanservice-laden quasi-harem show — the failed confessions by a wet blanket lead, the bad slapstick, the clichéd faceplants into crotches and the Nude Misunderstandings — these are TLR’s stock in trade.

No, not another crotch-plant! No, not another weak-ass harem lead! No, not — you get the idea.

The OP is still the hottest and most stylish (and thus, least characteristic) part of the series, no change there. But, what am I trying to say…

Basically, the show still sucks.

That makes one of us.

What you might have missed before

• Nipples. I think this is obvious.
• Haruna’s name is apparently spelled with “Spring and Canola.” Canola’s other name in English is rape, which will of course prove more relevant in a few episodes when the tentacle beasts start showing up.
• For at least a billion episodes, the only naked character is Lala, so if you’re in it for the fanservice, I hope you like her. That’s probably why she’s so generically appealing: cute face, pink hair, bold personality mixed with naïvete (stacked).
• Chichi means “father,” as in, that guy you call otou-san. It also means “boobs.” I’ve heard that Japanese is highly context-dependent, but I seriously do not understand this.

The tit-tacular conclusion

In spite of the fact that we often tout our animated entertainment as not being kids’ stuff, that applies to some anime and not others. 3×3 Eyes, for instance, will never be for kids, nor will Kaiba. But the whole fanservice thing really makes me think of a pre-pubescent, immature view on sex. In most cases, panties are the end goal, and in this particular case, it’s a few short seconds of nipples. Sex is something that never gets past the too-embarrassed-to-talk-about-it stage. Remember the nipples in School Days? No, you don’t, because there weren’t any. Instead, sex.

I suppose this could probably be chalked up to a target audience of immature Japanese otaku, or just plain cultural differences. But to me it seems more like Kids’ Stuff than say, Cardcaptor Sakura, which I can still pop in and enjoy to this day. But just watching these first couple episodes again turned me into a 12-year-old.

mmmhhhmmm. right. shore you do.

Tits.

Goodbye sister PSYCHE!

This week I’m bothered by Macross F’s constant fan-pandering. Again. And I’m a fan. Why am I so bothered? Let me put it in bullet points since I’ve been working on PowerPoint all day.

1. The OP. I get it, Ranka’s fucking cute. I think so too. It must make Shin’s day (how many trackbacks have you gotten so far on this, Shin?), since it prominently features the ol’ (ﾉゝ∀･)~キラ☆, which looks a lot like a dolled-up version of Ronnie James Dio’s metal horns to me (or is it Spiderman?). I ain’t sold. I hear this is a temporary OP though. And I guess the dancing iSlug was pretty great.
2. Pineapple cake. This was really heavy-handed. GET IT, GUYS? PINEAPPLES! So I was supposed to be surprised or whatever when Ozma didn’t bite it, despite his re-confession to Cathy, his noble deeds, constant flashbacks, and the overbearing presence of a pineapple-based dessert. But really I was just glad the whole nonsense was over. Gotta hand it to him though, motherfucker is about as bulletproof as Twenty Faces covered in kevlar.
3. Fire Bomber. Macross 7 is fine for some people. To this day I have to confess I’ve still never finished it, despite claiming to be some huge Macross fan. I get a little further each time, but dear God why does Basara have to suck so much? And why does he have to keep getting invoked? I get a mental image of his John Lennon glasses in my head when that music plays and I want to smash.

I guess three bullets aren’t too bad, though. But let’s balance it out with what I liked.

1. Ozma trying to fuck up Brera. That kid is fast becoming the Lynn Kaifun of the series, and makes me root for Ozma’s old-school manliness even more.
2. The Grace and Leon plot thickens. What’s Luca gonna do? What are they planning with that fold quartz? And what will happen to Ozma and Cathy when they catch on?
3. Ai-kun destroys Alto’s paper airplane. Genius. Such an ominous thing in a cute package.

There you have it. Lots of intrigue and goings-on, concealed under a thick wall of syrupy pineapple. I won’t bitch about the lack of Sheryl because that’s for a reason, and we have every indication that she’s going to bust this Grace thing wide open, even if inadvertently. Hopefully this thing is all coming to a head soon, and hopefully poor Klan gets her day too.

No gimmicks this week, I drug out the soap box instead

If you can’t make a crazy generalization or inflammatory statement every once in a while, there’s not much point in blogging, now, is there?

Seriously though, bear with me. Yes, I realize all too well that Kanokon is happening this season, but I sometimes think Macross Frontier is the most brazenly fan-pandering anime show out there. Why?

1. So far, though it is a classic franchise series, it’s catering somewhat obviously to the trends of the day, including high school harems, moe, lolis, implications of yuri, you name it.
2. At the same time, it panders almost as shamelessly to classic Macross fans, with its near-infinite parallels to previous series. From Catherine Glass’s uncanny resemblance to Misa Hayase or the Macross-shaped high school, to the inclusion of “My Boyfriend is a Pilot” and the little easter eggs like a Minmay doll flying at Ozma’s head — the more references you can spot, the more enjoyment you get out of the series.

Fanservice is, as we all know, not necessarily about upskirts and 10% breast coverage, although Sheryl seems to have the latter under control. Protracted transformation scenes, techno-babble speak, obscure references, and missile spam are all the kinds of things that anime fans feed on, thus they’re fanservice. I think Gainax taught us that pretty well.

Overreaction?

This isn’t a new situation for the franchise. After all, every Macross series has had a captain who looks exactly like Bruno Global, and every series has had gratuitous references to Minmay. Hell, Macross 7’s characters even watched Do You Remember Love?

Something about Macross F is starting to rub me the wrong way, though — it’s starting to feel like it’s not as much about the story as it is about getting franchise fans to approve, or getting new fans to embrace the franchise. The past two episodes are perfect examples.

Episode seven sees a massive space fight juxtaposed against a Sheryl concert. That trick is old as the hills, though every time it’s done right, a Valkyrie gets its wings. If an old-school Macross fan didn’t enjoy episode seven, he should just turn in his card now.

Episode eight, however, revolves heavily around the kind of high school love comedy plot that I see enough of outside of my favorite franchise, and don’t really care to see in it. Every time Sheryl upstages Ranka, I feel the warm wave of moe and think, well that’s the intent, isn’t it? I don’t want to get into the Moe Problem (the poison that’s killing our plotlines) just yet, that’s for a different day.

Today there is plenty of time to rant instead on the fact that five minutes of what used to be my favorite twenty of the week was devoted to chasing after a cute green creature in possession of a main character’s panties. Dear lord, when does the Naked Misunderstanding happen? Is Sheryl going to show up naked in Alto’s bed? Oh, goodie, now that Sheryl’s in the school too, do we get a school festival episode?

I originally heard this was a 13-episode series, is that true? If so, I’m extra pissed to have the story dicking around and the production company so poorly mismanaging the budget, but it really seems like I have some false info there.

Just for balance

Here are the things I liked a lot about Episode 8:

1. Ranka in the carrot suit. Nuff said.
2. Ranka’s long path to stardom. Life was easy for Minmay: The SDF Macross population was small, everyone was going to die, and not that many people could sing. But Ranka has to do what Sheryl told her to do: work hard. Now she’s living that lesson.
3. Sheryl sticking around, dicking up Ranka’s life. As much as that brings the moe, and the emo (anagram! holy cow! who knew? probably everyone but me…), it’s the kind of conflict that needs to happen for real drama. Alto is not enough because he’s showed zero interest in Ranka and very little in Sheryl. Only her persistence has cracked his disinterested facade a little. But if Sheryl hurts Ranka’s budding career, it’s only going to amplify the Alto factor for our green friend.
4. Harmonica kid. I rarely think new characters are the answer, especially when some existing ones (Cathy, Leon, Ozma) are just starting to get development time. But this show could use a good shake.

So… Macross F… my midseason evaluation for you is getting shaky compared to that mind-boggling start, but as a famous cowboy once said, I can’t quit you.