Shameful Otaku Secret!

Ah, springtime. When youth gets all crazy and hormonal and foists its most “ecchi” visions into your unwitting eyes holes like some kind of televisual skullfucking.

Except it’s fall, and anime is made by dirty old men. Case in point, Sora No Otoshimono, which is (choose one):

• One of the many high caliber titles available this season from Crunchyroll’s online stream, along with season 67 of Shugo Chara
• Standard wish-fulfillment anime crossed with a standard comedic anime
• Obsessed with panties
• Something something cancer

If you answered “uuuuuuugh,” you’re right!

I know I said I wasn’t watching anything new this season, but I thought I’d give this a shot for no really good reason. Sora No Otoshimono is, in all likelihood, a steaming pile of crap, an underpants-obsessed shounen comedy romp with the typical 9-year-old’s giggle-giggle view on sex. And it will likely turn into a harem.

But then again, perhaps it’s a deep meditation on the nature of desire, the effects of indulging your basest fantasies, and the dangerous consequences of getting what you wished for — you know, like The Monkey’s Paw with drawers.

I suppose the only way to objectively discover which of these is true is to lay out the good and bad.

Sora No Otoshimono: The Cons (also known as: the cliches and tropes used)

1. A pervert no-good Tenchi of a lead character
2. An obsession with breasts
3. A girl falling from the sky who warrants her own sub-list
   1. An alien
   2. An angel
   3. A robot
   4. who grants wishes
   5. on a leash
4. Oh-so-tsundere Karate chops from a cute childhood friend who takes good care of good-for-nothing lead (see #1)
5. Naked and/or “on top of” misunderstandings (I never would have imagined she’d walk into the room right then)
6. “[character name] no baka”
7. Wacky extras
8. “Kiddy” panties with animal mascot, worn by lead girl (This one’s for you, Akamatsu-sensei!)
9. Sweet moments of wonderful cuteness after an episode-long debacle, re-ruined by baka character just as things get lovely

The pros

Called attacks. These were all magical crotch coverups as lead character (whose name was… hmmmm it’ll come to me) tried to save the modesty of lead girl (ah, shit, her name was…), whose modesty he had of course compromised himself. I’m not going to say we’ve never seen a comedy that parodies the dirt-old concept of the called out attack, but maybe this one just hasn’t gotten quite old enough to me yet.

Flying panties. Let’s reiterate. Flying. Panties. I mean, seriously, majestically flapping their way across the landscape, migrating in formation, being observed by the masses, briefly lighting on a tree before moving on, shining in the sun. The idea is stupid, as is the whole panty-obsessed episode 2, but the execution of this one idea is colossal. Perhaps it’s even enough to justify the existence of the whole series. Doubtful.

Use of the best phrase in the world. Whether this is a subtitling coup or an actual line of dialog, it matters little.

The verdict

Obviously the balance is not in favor of Sorta Not Entirely Unwatchable, but as its name implies, it’s not entirely unwatchable. It’s certainly less awful than To Love-Ru’s anime adaptation so far, and it brought a few laughs that weren’t just boneheaded physical comedy, tit-groping, or cheap references. Not many, but a man dying in the desert doesn’t scoff at tap water.

I mentioned my viewing to ghostlightning and he seemed to think that watching, or at least starting, a truly awful show just for the sake of doing so was actually an SOS tradition. Do I? Really? Do that?

Does anyone else ever do this to themselves, or is masochism a unique character flaw? And more importantly…

Not sure what made me think Hatsukoi Limited would be a good idea to watch. Maybe it was the constant nagging mental failure upon seeing its name that made me think of Futakoi Alternative.

Yep.

Anyway, seeing as how we’re not getting another Futakoi Alternative, I grabbed a couple episodes of Hatsukoi (”First Love”) Limited. I guess I kinda thought it was a shoujo, but the sort of pervy vibe that permeates the whole thing tells me otherwise. Now, I’ve never read the manga, and I suppose the writer, along with JC Staff’s director, might be going the Girls’ High route — i.e., kids are pretty fucked up balls of hormones so let’s reflect on their lives with low-ass camera angles and tight pink shorts. Fortunately, the first two episodes were far more entertaining than Girls’ High’s entire retarded run. Granted, that’s not saying much, but still.

Not what you think.

That said, what you have is a cute story of interconnecting first loves — so far, middle schooler Ayumi has a crush on charming Mamoru, who carried her fireman-style to the nurse after she fainted from the fear of being courted/stalked by Mamoru’s own high school-age beast of a brother Misao. Further exascerbating the convolution is Mamoru’s own crush: he and Misao’s childhood friend Misaki, who’s two years older, sees him as a little brother, and isn’t interested in gettng mixed up with boys right now. But wears tight pink shorts and crawls through his window. Good God, poor kid.

why, exactly?

Misao is a funny character (if not that original), a giant stubbly Ikki Tousen extra who can pound any kid in Japan but folds his laundry neatly, feeds the birds, and has an inescapable crush on a middle schooler. Yeah, it’s a tiny touch creepy but is painted as just pathetic enough to work. And when he nobly comes to her rescue, well, it’s a little touching.

touching.

Ayumi-chan is a little heap of moe who’s not so defenseless as to be annoying or even too typical, but her shimapan (which are usually symbolic of immaturity) give away her underlying personality. Misaki is the typical mature-girl archetype who of course will find out she’s not as adult as she thought, etc. I’m not sure how much any of the rest of the large cast will fit into this; are their stories going to be involved in the web of panties and love as well?

and I'll love her and hug her and squeeze her and call her George

At any rate, this was a bit dumb but a decent watch. I was sufficiently entertained by the light humor, cute story of poor Misao, and of course the tight pink shorts. The age of some characters is a little scandalous for my taste, but the show has some real production values so the pantyshots seem a little less gratuitous than if they were just thrown into a cheap-ass show to keep people watching (Gonzo, I love you still, but I’m looking right at you). Also, the thugs’ argument about taking a poop was gold. I’ll keep watching for now.

We are often give up!

Ah, summer. It’s a very special time in a boys’ life, that magical time when breasts are school is out and spring anime shows begin to show up in DVD editions. Some are there just because they’re popular shows, some entice buyers based on the fact that their TV counterparts were shoddily animated commercials for the discs, and some… Some add the more “complete” fanservice (nipples) they always intended.

Some of you may recall my “Ecchi Deathmatch,” that lightly-perverted panty-fest of doom; still others may have noticed that it just kind of petered out. Sadly, it was just too one-sided: The Tenchi retread To Love-Ru really didn’t stand a chance against Kanokon’s onslaught of panties, handjobs, spankings, and anilingus. Even that sentence shocked me a little.

You and me both, kid. Try just not watching, it really has been great.

So in the name of faux journalism (boobs), showing my dedication to everyone out there, I grabbed a couple DVD versions of To Love-Ru’s first couple episodes, hoping that it might be able to redeem itself at least in the “tee-hee, boobies” department.

What’s different

First thing you’ll notice is the widescreen (boobs). If you’ve been following the TV episodes (which I stopped doing quite a ways back), those are 4:3. That can’t hurt.

Well, it could, I guess — because now there’s more TLR to see.

And how. The real reason for bringing out a shitty show like this to DVD is to make real cash showing the nipples you couldn’t get onto the TV. TLR did a “great” job utilizing the rays of the sun and shower steam, along with “creatively placed” soap foam and lens flares, to obscure the tits and ass naughty bits. This allowed for more nudity than Kanokon, but in essence provided more coverage. Example? In Kanokon, there were Chizuru’s heart-shaped pasties. Those things looked like nipples, and while Lala may have actually been nude in the corresponding episode, it’s obvious whose viewers got the better jugs deal.

So now, we get those same nipples, in those same scenes, neither obscured nor encumbered by anything other than their own horrid art quality. And, actually, there’s still a lot of fog and sunbeams, too, now that you mention it. So, you deserve a cookie for actually spotting the nipples. Well, I’m so pleased. Fucking banzai.

No really. Own peril. But the cookie awaits.

What’s exactly the same

To Love-Ru’s first couple episodes are just as mind-numbingly stupid the second or third time around as the first. Everything you’ve ever hated about a fanservice-laden quasi-harem show — the failed confessions by a wet blanket lead, the bad slapstick, the clichéd faceplants into crotches and the Nude Misunderstandings — these are TLR’s stock in trade.

No, not another crotch-plant! No, not another weak-ass harem lead! No, not — you get the idea.

The OP is still the hottest and most stylish (and thus, least characteristic) part of the series, no change there. But, what am I trying to say…

Basically, the show still sucks.

That makes one of us.

What you might have missed before

• Nipples. I think this is obvious.
• Haruna’s name is apparently spelled with “Spring and Canola.” Canola’s other name in English is rape, which will of course prove more relevant in a few episodes when the tentacle beasts start showing up.
• For at least a billion episodes, the only naked character is Lala, so if you’re in it for the fanservice, I hope you like her. That’s probably why she’s so generically appealing: cute face, pink hair, bold personality mixed with naïvete (stacked).
• Chichi means “father,” as in, that guy you call otou-san. It also means “boobs.” I’ve heard that Japanese is highly context-dependent, but I seriously do not understand this.

The tit-tacular conclusion

In spite of the fact that we often tout our animated entertainment as not being kids’ stuff, that applies to some anime and not others. 3×3 Eyes, for instance, will never be for kids, nor will Kaiba. But the whole fanservice thing really makes me think of a pre-pubescent, immature view on sex. In most cases, panties are the end goal, and in this particular case, it’s a few short seconds of nipples. Sex is something that never gets past the too-embarrassed-to-talk-about-it stage. Remember the nipples in School Days? No, you don’t, because there weren’t any. Instead, sex.

I suppose this could probably be chalked up to a target audience of immature Japanese otaku, or just plain cultural differences. But to me it seems more like Kids’ Stuff than say, Cardcaptor Sakura, which I can still pop in and enjoy to this day. But just watching these first couple episodes again turned me into a 12-year-old.

mmmhhhmmm. right. shore you do.

Tits.