Shameful Otaku Secret!

Lynn Minmay at the Ruins of the State Theatre, July 27, 2010

Last night I had the privilege of seeing the world’s first Miss Macross, Idol (literally) to the stars, at her debut Super Dimension Wreckage of Detroit performance. I’d have to say, rare is the occasion that I’ll go see a concert on my own dime, but even if the paper wasn’t paying me, I’d be all about it.

So what is it about Lynn Minmay? Upon seeing her for the first time, it seems unlikely that this small girl of Chinese descent could possibly have stopped the massive Zentradi fleet and caused the destruction of the Earth as we know it. She’s cute, sure. And judging from the photos, her skirts get shorter with every appearance. But she’s just a young girl.

However, when Minmay took the stage, the strings started to soar; and as she bounced adorably along to her signature hit, “My Boyfriend is a Pilot,” I understood. It’s an intangible quality. There’s something in the smile, something in her body, but most importantly, something in that voice.

Unfortunately, the production values of her concert didn’t really match up with the skill and passion of her performance. It was all very high school gymnasium. I suppose I can understand — the earth is in ruins, and after all this isn’t really very far into the future now is it? But when I think back to Madonna’s pop spectacles of the 90s, I have to wonder if we haven’t taken a couple steps backward.

Sharon Apple at the old SDF Macross, March 17, 2040

A concert review seems insufficient for what’s happened to me over the past week. The fact that I’ve mustered enough strength to pick up a pen is amazing; then again I suppose it’s lighter than the bottles of booze and pills that I’ve been lifting lately.

It all started last Saturday, when two tickets to the Sharon Apple performance hit my digital mailbox in the morning. I was skeptical — The hype machine for Sharon is in full effect all the time, it seems, with the holographic billboards taking up 80% of my vision on the morning’s work commute. And after all, if that many people like something, it must be catering to the lowest common denominator, right?

After a lovely dinner at Nyan Nyan, my girlfriend and I took a cab over to Super Dimension Stadium. I was prepared, pen in hand, to note the most egregious offenses to pour into a harsh review. Not to be the case.
The first thing you notice is the production values. The music is almost secondary in the beginning, as the holographic dino-birds and soaring angels surround not just the open stadium, but very nearly the entire city. When Sharon first appears, she’s at least 7 stories tall — and 7 times more beautiful than any singer you’ve ever seen. Before you really realize it, she’s shrunken herself like a Zentradi miclone, and performing solely for you. At one point during a particularly sexful moment, I managed to tear my gaze away and glance at my girlfriend. She’s never exhibited any bisexual tendencies, but her face was enraptured. That in itself was amazing, but the bad news was that following the performance, she no longer looked very pretty.

That turned out to be only the beginning. Food has lost its taste, I find it increasingly hard to get drunk on vodka or stoned on these pills… and sex? Well, it hardly compares to a kiss and a stroke of the cheek from Sharon Apple, now, does it?

This, I assume, will be my last review for the magazine, as they’ve already fired me. It’s more a goodness of my heart type thing. It may be one of my last acts at all. The only thing I have left to try that may come close to the experience of Sharon is the sweet embrace of death.

Sheryl Nome at Macross Frontier Stadium, May 8, 2059

Amidst the fearful speculation running wild through Super Dimension Faux San Francisco, one message of hope — or at least entertainment — remains. Galactic Idol Sheryl Nome has refused to cancel her Frontier farewell concert. In fact, if there’s anything good to come of our imminent demise at the hands of the frightening Vajra, it’s that Sheryl is probably stuck here for the remainder of our short existence.

I was lucky enough to see her first Frontier show, and true to form, Sheryl didn’t disappoint. Ex-Gear stunt pilots trailing colored smoke, a fabulous light show, and clothing that managed to be sexier than a hologram malfunction — all of these supplemented her second-to-none stage presence. And when that stunt pilot carried her around the stadium, well that was pure magic.

Clearly, Sheryl is of the school of thought that once you’ve sold a customer once, there’s no need to bring them back. She must be laughing as she rolls around in the cash that her fans ponyed up for this embarrassment of a performance.

Sheryl performed one song (pity the young Sheryl fan running through Frontier‘s streets who might be late to that show!), her recent smash ballad “Long Long Goodbye,” dressed as some kind of forest-pagan Stevie Nicks type. A single visual effect – some silly rising bubbles or reverse snow – punctuated the show. Sheryl’s heartfelt singing aside, the performance was lackluster, and the animation was just plain terrible. She even appeared to be missing an earring! That’s just lazy.

In the end, I hope Sheryl didn’t squander all the good will she generated on the nightly news with her motivational speech. And let’s hope the production values ramp up in the second half of this series. When I think back to the Minmay performances of the early century, I have to wonder if we haven’t taken a couple steps backward.