Shameful Otaku Secret!

Revisited

As Geass wraps plot twist after plot twist around their poncy little pastry (or is it, more likely, a calzone?) and stuff it with a filling of cheesy fanservice, there is other really good stuff on right now as well, stuff that gets me going like a cellphone in a young kabuki maiden’s pocket.

Kyouran Kazoku Nikki

Watching Kyouka on TV kind of makes me wonder if this is what Kyon and the SOS Brigade felt like. I love how she calls the audience “pigs.” Why does Yuuko have to be such a punching bag, though? I thought this was a comedy. My overall impression is still kind of ho-hum — such a random premise has to do some weird shit just to hold up week after week, and I’m not sure dramatic elements are right — but there’s a lot worse out there. Plus, Ginka’s managed to be gay and GAR at the same time.

Kurenai

Still being straight-up awesome. This week’s episode was light-hearted characterization, but the writing is so smart, there’s no way you could call it filler. Why do I like Kurenai so much? Because unlike any other male anime lead, Shinkurou seems like someone I might actually let babysit my kid. Certainly the only one with a bony weapon growing out of his arm. But what bothers me is, with Yayoi following them all the time, isn’t Benika effectively paying for two bodyguards? Animation continues to be good, though some character designs still put me off in a weird way.

Toshokan Sensou

What a blast. Aside from a totally ridiculous premise — basically an amped-up version of Fahrenheit 451 in which books are highly regulated but libraries are self-governed paramilitary organizations — this is a great series with a twist: it’s one part action and one part shoujo, which gives it a unique feel. Rarely outside of a true girls’ series is there such a winning female lead. And Production IG’s digitally-assisted animation tops their work on Blood+.

Special A

I don’t know why I’m still doing it, perhaps I like Jun Fukuyama more than I let on. I have now taken to watching the OP and ED because the singing is so incredibly awful. Rubbernecking at a train wreck, as it were.

Golgo 13

This week’s episode was boooooring. Blah blah blah guns, blah blah M-16, blah blah let’s try to kill Golgo 13. News flash, dumbass: HE CAN’T BE KILLED. Get back to Duke fucking a prostitute and assassinating someone, already. Still the GARest thing that will ever be on TV.

The Tower of Druaga

There’s a YouTube hack that lets you save any vid with a high-quality version into an mp4 on your computer, which is nice because I can watch it on my iPhone. I might be squandering Gonzo’s good will, but I call Fair Use, bitches. Especially when the iPhone/Touch’s actual YouTube app allows access to about jack shit percent of the videos on YouTube as a whole. Getting away from all that, this show has amped up its charm over 5 episodes, and when combined with free legitimate release and an amazing OP, it makes a series you really should be watching.

Kaiba

This.

This. Kaiba. This is why I wanted to write an “other shows” post to begin with. Sometimes we need to be reminded, with all the clichés and harems we both enjoy and deride in equal measure, why we started watching anime. Kaiba is why. Haters, stop bitching about vapid shows like Kanokon and To Love-Ru and start putting an antidote in front of your eyes. Lightly “H” series with tons of panties and a grade-schooler’s perception of sex are not “adult” — they share only ink and acetate in common with this very adult show. In the space of three episodes, it’s managed to be imaginative, fascinating, sexy, unsettling, and even heartbreaking. All with a design that looks deceptively like a kid’s show.

A lot’s been made of the animation, to me it’s a strong suit. Madhouse is usually very straightforward in style, but they manage to get crazy when it counts, for instance Satoshi Kon’s stuff. Here, they’re doing absolutely amazing things. Just watch the OP, you’ll see they mean business.

Ask Sheryl

Diru Sheryru,
All my friends have breast implants and cybernetic vibro-tron vaginas. Then I see these monstrous Zentradi women with their blue hair and easy upskirt potential. How can I compete?
-Sadly My Assets a Little Liliputian, Tiny In the Torso

Dear Small Tits,
Don’t worry! I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but I’m alllll natural. In this day and age, especially on Galaxy, that’s really the exotic thing. By not sticking out, you’re standing out. By the way, have you heard the term “loli?”
♥Sheryl

Dear Sheryl,
I recently started dating a really sweet guy. He’s smart, a little bit of a bad boy, and he races cars! Problem is, I’m worried that he might be prettier than me. I’m no slouch, but his hair is just lustrous, and his skin is like soft porcelain.
-Worried, Hesitant About Trap

Dear What,
Oh, honey, if this is the least of your problems, then let it go! Don’t you know that men that pretty are all self-absorbed and wouldn’t dare be seen with a scrub? That must mean there’s at least something hot about you, even if it’s just your fashion sense. Take it as a compliment, but don’t let it go to your head. You’ll keep him around as arm candy a lot longer if you make him think he’s still the fanciest frog on the lily pad.
♥Sheryl

Oh Sherry,
I recently got dumped by my boyfriend. He was a pilot. You know, like the song? This is a little embarrassing to ask, but frankly I’ve been… frisky lately, and unable to shall we say vent the tension? I know you spend long periods of time on tour, and I thought maybe you might have some advice.
-Holding Out for Really Nice Yeoman

Dear Horny,
First, don’t invoke Steve Perry, you know those are old wounds! Second, do you have a cell phone?
♥Sheryl

Dear Sheryl,
How do you keep inspired? I’d like to become a singer too! I am small, but I have big dreams! I do have a muse, though. He’s very pretty.
-Hopeful Optimist On Frontier

Dear Hoof (?),
There seems to be a theme today. Well, at any rate, what you need to remember is that inspiration can strike you at any moment, so be prepared for it! I carry a pen and paper all the time in case I need to write lyrics, and if my stupid date has used all the paper to make paper airplanes, I’ll improvise if I have to. Also, rest assured: there will always be a backup band when you really need one.
♥Sheryl

Editor’s Note

Well, it’s a good Macross post if I spent entirely too much time on it. With Ranka’s surprised and disappointed glimpse at Alto and Sheryl on their “star date,” as the episode is titled, trace the exact moment that the Macross Triangle Effect began in earnest. The internet is ablaze this week with people absolutely loving Sheryl, in spite of the internet’s tendency toward rampant pedophilia (was that overly mean?), and I’m with them! Her Bitch Quotient is way down, but that might be because nothing’s standing in her way right now. She says (quite sexfully) that she likes Alto because he doesn’t treat her like a star, so what happens when the Kabuki Novelty is over?

Animation quality, on the other hand is sinking almost as fast as Leon’s rep. I hope they’re not running out of cash already. No bother, though — it’s still good, and hopefully they’re just saving for the next space battle. Either way, Macross is still my jam for this season. Also, have some ice cream.

Alto’s Last Stand

Alto stared into the dressing room mirror, but he wasn’t seeing anything anymore. His tired vision looked past the graying circles under his eyes, and his luxurious hair pulled out in clumps as he aimlessly brushed it. To an objective, outside observer, he was as beautiful as ever. But the stress of the Miss Macross competition was starting to take its inevitable toll.

What a pipe dream this was all turning out to be! That rosy-cheeked bastard Luca had put on a sympathetic face when Alto shot down Mikhail’s Valkyrie, killing him instantly.

If it hadn’t been for the smug little punk throwing himself between Alto’s face and Ozma’s fist, there would be no Kabuki fallback career for the Princess, no matter how much makeup there was in the world. Shame his young face was so ruined now, right alongside Ozma’s shattered life.

But sympathy wasn’t something Alto felt deserving of. He felt like he was taking advantage of the entire world, slacking off thanks to his own ineptitude. Advantage of dead Michel, who he’d killed himself. Advantage of Sheryl, who’d pulled the strings to get him into the contest so late. Even her.

Ranka Lee.

In another life, a life not lived singing endless retreads of Minmay jingles, Alto thought that perhaps the two of them could have been friends, if not… more. But here in the heat of competition, that heartless bitch wouldn’t give him the time of day, except to attack him in one of their many physical confrontations.

Not that she needed to be so cruel — her maddeningly cute and disturbingly expressive bunny-ear hair gave her an unfair advantage that no one in the contest was ready for.

A knock came at his dressing room door.

“What is it,” he moaned.

“Let me in, I need to talk to you.” Speak of the green-coiffed Devil, and so shall she appear at your door. Alto’s jaw tightened, and he made a little grunting noise like everyone in Shakugan No Shana does when the camera cuts to them.

“It’s open,” he growled.

Ranka opened his door in her usual domineering but somehow graceful way. Though she stood no higher than his shoulder (an advantage he was more than willing to count his blessings for), her authoritative and overbearing personality made her appear larger than life. The swimsuit competition was tonight, and she was wearing a pink bikini that was fairly demure for the competition, but nonetheless looked downright dirty on her. Maybe it was her, or maybe it was the fact that she looked about 12.

Alto didn’t feel much like a woman when he looked at her in that thing. He felt the strain of his own sexual duality pushing feebly against the fabric of his underoos.

“You like what you see,” she sneered at him with bloodshot half-opened eyes, “or you just scared of how bad this is gonna crush you tonight?” Alto grimaced as the stench of old vodka finally made its way across the room to his finely-shaped nostrils.

“Eh,” Ranka scoffed, “Who am I kidding? You’re just a no good trap-ass fag, anyway.” Alto’s grimace of disgust turned into a drooping sigh of defeat. Night after night of this, eventually it wore him down. His perfect eyeliner and tasteful mascara were suddenly at great risk. Moisture built up in his eyes until they appeared to shake, or at least that’s how they were represented by the animators.

“I guess I won’t be seeing much of you anymore, since you’re going to lose tonight, so, good luck with life, fag.” And with that, Ranka turned back to the door.

Alto’s brain had ceased to function. He was no longer a pretty pretty princess; her endless abuse had transformed him into a wild animal. A bear, perhaps. An angry, somehow sexual bear. Or a wildcat. Rar!

As he launched himself from his chair, his brush flew behind him and tears streamed, sparkling, all around his face. Vague speed lines began to form, but faded again, as if realizing that he was only traveling 4 or 5 feet. Before he knew it, his hand was locked firmly around Ranka’s wrist, which suddenly seemed so tiny and fragile. She looked back over her shoulder at him with a mix of shock and no small amount of fear.

“I’m not… gay!” he growled through clenched teeth at her.

Her fear melted into her usual egomaniacal smirk.

“Then prove it, trap.”

Alto yanked Ranka toward his body by the wrist, and the surprise returned to her face. He wrapped his other hand around her bare midsection and pressed her against him tightly. She was stiff at first, but softened, and finally her free arm threw itself around his neck. The positioning of arms and legs became horribly confusing for a minute, but as his resolve strengthened, so did other parts of his anatomy that he was far more sure about.

“I fucking will.”

Fin.

HAHAHA that is the sound of me laughing at myself because I am a fucking idiot. There is an increasing trend in episodic blogging against actual episodic blogging, i.e., summaries, which I think is great, and I will take credit for it — but rather than rest on my laurels as an innovator, I must continue to innovate by blogging NEXT WEEK’S EPISODES before they happen. And, just to be safe and make sure no one else is doing what I am, I will do it as horrible fanfic!

I hope anyone reading that paragraph is keen on what jokes are. But seriously, we got some great development on the classic Macross Triangle principle this week, and the preview shows Ranka in a Minmay-esque dress while singing, with the translation “this song of antiquity will resonate throught the galaxy.” So far Macross F has shown the greatest parallels to the original of any other Macross series, so to me that means that I must pray to not be subjected to “My Boyfriend is a Pirate PILOT” shit I keep doing that for the entirety of the episode. I’m guessing Yoko Kanno is going to go in a different, some would argue better, direction. And yes, Ranka in a bikini. You sick fucks.