Shameful Otaku Secret!

Ask Sheryl

Diru Sheryru,
All my friends have breast implants and cybernetic vibro-tron vaginas. Then I see these monstrous Zentradi women with their blue hair and easy upskirt potential. How can I compete?
-Sadly My Assets a Little Liliputian, Tiny In the Torso

Dear Small Tits,
Don’t worry! I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but I’m alllll natural. In this day and age, especially on Galaxy, that’s really the exotic thing. By not sticking out, you’re standing out. By the way, have you heard the term “loli?”
♥Sheryl

Dear Sheryl,
I recently started dating a really sweet guy. He’s smart, a little bit of a bad boy, and he races cars! Problem is, I’m worried that he might be prettier than me. I’m no slouch, but his hair is just lustrous, and his skin is like soft porcelain.
-Worried, Hesitant About Trap

Dear What,
Oh, honey, if this is the least of your problems, then let it go! Don’t you know that men that pretty are all self-absorbed and wouldn’t dare be seen with a scrub? That must mean there’s at least something hot about you, even if it’s just your fashion sense. Take it as a compliment, but don’t let it go to your head. You’ll keep him around as arm candy a lot longer if you make him think he’s still the fanciest frog on the lily pad.
♥Sheryl

Oh Sherry,
I recently got dumped by my boyfriend. He was a pilot. You know, like the song? This is a little embarrassing to ask, but frankly I’ve been… frisky lately, and unable to shall we say vent the tension? I know you spend long periods of time on tour, and I thought maybe you might have some advice.
-Holding Out for Really Nice Yeoman

Dear Horny,
First, don’t invoke Steve Perry, you know those are old wounds! Second, do you have a cell phone?
♥Sheryl

Dear Sheryl,
How do you keep inspired? I’d like to become a singer too! I am small, but I have big dreams! I do have a muse, though. He’s very pretty.
-Hopeful Optimist On Frontier

Dear Hoof (?),
There seems to be a theme today. Well, at any rate, what you need to remember is that inspiration can strike you at any moment, so be prepared for it! I carry a pen and paper all the time in case I need to write lyrics, and if my stupid date has used all the paper to make paper airplanes, I’ll improvise if I have to. Also, rest assured: there will always be a backup band when you really need one.
♥Sheryl

Editor’s Note

Well, it’s a good Macross post if I spent entirely too much time on it. With Ranka’s surprised and disappointed glimpse at Alto and Sheryl on their “star date,” as the episode is titled, trace the exact moment that the Macross Triangle Effect began in earnest. The internet is ablaze this week with people absolutely loving Sheryl, in spite of the internet’s tendency toward rampant pedophilia (was that overly mean?), and I’m with them! Her Bitch Quotient is way down, but that might be because nothing’s standing in her way right now. She says (quite sexfully) that she likes Alto because he doesn’t treat her like a star, so what happens when the Kabuki Novelty is over?

Animation quality, on the other hand is sinking almost as fast as Leon’s rep. I hope they’re not running out of cash already. No bother, though — it’s still good, and hopefully they’re just saving for the next space battle. Either way, Macross is still my jam for this season. Also, have some ice cream.

Actually, Geass 1 dub thingy

Saturday night those of you who are US-based and aren’t too awesome for dubbed cartoons on TV might have noticed that Cartoon Network is airing Code Geass season 1 after the still-trucking Death Note. Personally I really like Adult Swim and I love the fact that they show some of this stuff. They’ve shown some greats in the past: Trigun, Eureka Seven, Cowboy Bebop, Wolf’s Rain, even Satoshi Kon’s Paranoia Agent. Now, follow that with Code Geass. But it got me thinking, and that’s never good.

Why do dubs suck?

I don’t want to get into the dub-vs-sub war, but if I rant on my blog I can at least have a one-way conversation that’s more intelligent than trying to talk about it on 4chan or something OMG DUB SUX. But what makes dubs so hated? Is it the over-localization? Or perhaps Funimation-style “repurposing” the likes of which turn Shin-Chan into an (admittedly hilarious) adult cartoon? Yes, very literal fansubs let you infer based on your pitiful knowledge of moonspeak what might actually be going on, whereas localization forces its interpretation on you. But that doesn’t bother me much. I guess I always knew my own answer, but seeing the dub of Geass, formerly starring Jun Fukuyama, it drove it home: There are five fucking people in this business.

Starring: Crispin Yong Vignogna

Hi! I am tired of hearing your voice!

While watching Spice and Wolf, it’s hard not to wait for Lawrence to make some fruity pose and Mikuru Stare someone into buying his 18,000 suits of armor. Likewise for at least 27 other characters this season. But watching American dubs, that effect is multiplied by a thousandfold.

It would make a great office pool game to bet on how many seconds it takes in the first episode of any show before Crispin Freeman shows up. Saturday night was my first ever viewing of the dub, so I instantly thought two things: One, why wasn’t it Karen instead of Kallen? Two, Johnny Yong Bosch? Fucking really? Wait, three things: BADASS MOTHER.

A matter of octave

But really, as much as you do hear Jun Fukuyama, and as much as his only vocal mannerism seems to be “rampant egotism,” how exactly do you match up his voice with Johnny Yong Bosch? Fabulous Itsuki? (actually, I did like his Itsuki dub, and his Vash role was one of the best, but that just proves my overuse point further…) Either way, it reminds me of how in Evangelion, Shinji was voiced by a girl and her voice was still lower than Spike Spencer’s.

Lots of people tell me when I meet them that I should go into radio. That is a compliment that makes anyone feel more like a man, and sure, I need all the help I can get there — but what I’d really like to break into is anime dubbing. How would I go about this? Not sure. Not interested in going back to school to learn acting, or moving to California, or any of that.

Maybe if I walked into a convention, slapped Dick Cox with a glove and shouted “I demand satisfaction!” in front of his entire legion of blobby fangirls, some ancient rule of duelling would allow me to usurp him. As long as it did something to minimize guys who sound like puberty laughed and sped by them on a moped. I know they’re hard workers, and talented and whatnot, but Crispin Freeman is the only person in dubbing who doesn’t make my ears bleed, and you can’t use him for everything — or can you? I think that was my point.

What the hell happened to this post?

Well, that went long. So, let’s do a one-sentence summary of the show this post was supposedly about — Lelouch convinces Rollo not to kill him by saying he’ll bring C.C. to him, but instead manages to trick him into joining the Black Knights with a little faux love, while simultaneously saving the would-be-executees like Ohgi and Toudou by sliding all the Brits bodily into Chinese Federation territory where they can’t shoot without starting a war.

Also, Pizza Hut sightings: ONE.

I forget already

I’m behind. The only thing I really remember is that I downloaded Eclipse’s version this week, and that they insist on calling Kallen “Karen.” Why? Probably because it’s a person’s name, and that whole thing has bothered me for a long time now. It’s hard to know what those crazy Japanese are thinking sometimes, but I have to say, I’m as tempted to call “Karen” accurate as I am “LeDouche,” in spite of the fact that Eclipse tortured me for two long seasons with the “Margery” spelling.

Recap

Lelouch has to travel for work, and as we all know that can be a difficult proposition, sitting on hotel internet at 1:00 AM trying to download the newest episode of To Love-RU and wondering, just why the fuck am I so interested in seeing the next To Love-RU anyway? He attempts to Geass his way to faster bittorrents, but finds that everyone, hotel maids included, seems to have their own Geass. It’s weird.

Rollo has stolen his sister’s identity, and her girly locket. If he’s an agent of Brittanian intelligence, why is he so hung up on the thing? Is it because everyone in the show is a pansy? I hesitate to say that. After all LeDouche has proved himself to be fairly manly, in spite of his gothy, poncy way of mincing about. Look at the cold-ass way he interacts with the ladies. It’s like he went to C.C.’s School of Romantic Belittling.

Anyway

I got nothing here. I’ll be back home this weekend, at which time you can expect a very special Round Two of Ecchi Deathmatch ‘08, featuring a hardcore special guest off the ropes, and at which time I can hopefully expect to sit on my couch and watch Soul Eater.