Shameful Otaku Secret!

Just as planned

Yeah, you know what? I need to edit my sidebar, because I’m about done with Geass. Not watching, it’s become enough of a train wreck that it’s more entertaining than ever, with more twists than M. Night Shamalyan in an Auntie Anne’s Pretzel Shop. It’s just that there are almost as many people blogging it as there are subbing it, and I can’t think of anything more interesting to say than for instance, Derailed By Darry. So LeDouche’s spot is now occupied by a grab bag of whatever the fuck I feel like, especially under-appreciated shows that other people aren’t blogging much. I aim to cover Real Drive, Daughter of Twenty Faces, and Golgo 13, among others.

Did you not catch the guy at the end of every Next Episode preview?

Plot? Killing people, what the hell else?

Linda is a real life Pretty Woman, a former prostitute who’s now the young trophy wife of a Manhattan mafia boss. She’s supposed to be pretty I guess, but no one’s really pretty in this show, which seems to be filtered through the jaded eyes of Duke Togo himself. She’s not exactly happy with her status, though.

The image of Duke frolicking through Florida with Mickey Mouse haunts my nightmares now

Linda wants to break free from her marital bonds, so she hires Duke to kill her husband, Boss Marty. After a whole lot of doublecrossing, she gets her way — but when she tries to grab Duke for herself, she finds out the hard way that he does not give a shit about… well, anything, really.

What We’ve Learned

Duke will kill a bitch. Straight up, faster than he’ll bone her, even. But ladies, they want the Duke. Linda can’t even look at him without a noir-sex fantasy leaping to her brain accompanied by embarrassing moans that make your wife wonder just what kind of TV show you’re watching in there.

Series synopsis theatre, episode 1

There are people who are better at some things than Duke. Like mafia man Billy, who manages to get the draw on our non-hero with his ultra-fast hands. But is Golgo 13 gonna let a man with those kinds of skeelz live? Hell no. He’ll find a way to make sure his draw hand is tied before shooting. And that will cause said man to explain exactly how he was defeated by the Duke, using his final breath.

The lesson here is, of course, don’t be better than Golgo 13 at anything. Ever.

They all look the same to us roundeyes, anyways

There is nothing on TV more ridiculous than Golgo 13. It’s so noir, it makes NYPD Blue look like Sesame Street, and Sam Spade wet his pants just at the sight of Duke. But that over-the-top aspect is what makes it so fun. And it may be silly, but it’s hard for me to deny the appeal of the fact that there is at least one show on the air with its sniper sights aimed squarely at the seinen demographic, with absolutely no concessions to moe or anything else in the trends. You might even see some junk if you’re not careful.

Series synopsis theatre, episode 2

Golgo 13 is a faithful re-enactment that could exist in any of the five decades that the manga has been around. And besides, what show in your current anime lineup isn’t ridiculous in some way?

Apparently, lots

I’m keeping myself busy with blogging (as if I wasn’t busy without it) this season, but I never forget to enjoy. After all, it’s not a job. And there are a lot more interesting shows on this season than last. What else is good?

Kure-Nai.
So far I like the main character, I love the animation (although some facial character designs are just anatomically fucked), and the premise could be interesting, if possibly creepy. And what’s with his arm? Check this one out if you haven’t yet. OP and ED are weirdly inappropriate for the mood, but this show is shaping up to be a very unexpected mix of violent and cute, scary and sweet.

Golgo 13.
Golgo 13 is so old your dad probably read his mangas (assuming your dad is Japanese), and he’s so badass I won’t shit-talk him for fear he’ll jump out of my TV and kill my ass. Until it’s dead. Golgo 13 eats GAR and shits bullets. Also, he fucks the hell out of some prostitutes. Apparently, he’s voiced by a “real” actor, and it pays off. His dour voice matches his toughass appearance, which is something like a grown up version of Shin-Chan when he dresses like Lupin III. What impressed me the most was that the whole episode led up to a single sniper shot, and they managed to make that single moment suitably awesome instead of horribly anticlimactic. Watch this or Golgo 13 will come fuck and kill you.

Vampire Knight.
Check it out, it’s Jun Fukuyama. Along with the current other hotness, Mamoru Miyano (Setsuna F. Yagami), together at last. In another dumb vampire show. Apologies to the people who liked this from the get-go, or who liked the manga (vampires are not zombies, so… didn’t read). But I’m really not behind it. Will keep trying for a couple more episodes, but I really don’t like vampires.

I think vampire shows and movies (both Japanese and Western) try very hard to put a new spin on the whole bloodsucker thing every time, and rarely does it work, except for the goth kids.

Special A.
Oh guess what? Jun Fukuyama, who seems increasingly unable to sound anything other than egomaniacal. Along with Yuko Goto, who cannot sing (it was funny in The Adventures of Mikuru Asahina, but precisely because she can’t sing). Actually, no one here can sing, and yet the cast is tapped for both the opening and closing songs. The style is fun, but everything else screams “meh” and I hate saying “meh.”

Kamen No Maid Guy.
Looks like Kabitzin is following this one, and I’m already regretting that I didn’t put it up against Kanokon in my Ecchi Deathmatch, To Love-RU may not be up to the challenge. Kanokon shocks me with its volume of questionable content, but Maid Guy disturbs with the questionability of its questionable content. And its intense focus on the protagonist’s rack.

Nabori No Ou.
Ninjas tend to be a warning sign for me. Warning: show you will hate coming! Danger! (The Tick aside, of course.) The wife liked it though, mostly for the style and the admittedly super cool action sequences, but hopefully not as much for the trap and the gay undertones. I’m impressed at JC Staff’s ability to give this such style, so I’ll give it a go.

Blassreiter
Still haven’t made it through episode 1. I can’t take the video game graphics.

The Tower of Druaga
I found episode 1 marginally fun, but I keep hearing they cut the fun. I dunno, I did that “download the mp4 version from YouTube” trick with episode 2 and put it on my iPhone, where higher-quality YouTube vids actually look OK, but I haven’t watched it.

Kyouran Kazoku Nikki
The “Kazoku” in question consists of a nerdy Fox Mulder wannabe dad, an over-loli-fied catgirl mother, and five kids: A human girl, a lion, a biological weapon, a jellyfish, and the living embodiment of Japan’s latent homophobia. To call this “throwaway” might be an understatement but they did bother to go a little crazy so I’ll give it three episodes to convince me I’m crazy.

Random Thought

Incidentally, Anime News Network has jumped on the Episodic Blogging bandwagon, so does that mean they endorse the questionable practice of fansubbing? I’m guessing mid-season licenses, if any, will consist of Soul Eater, Macross, and maybe Allison & Lillia, so you kids better stop watching when that happens, you hear? I mostly mention it because one of their writers had this to say about Kanokon:

I suspect that only the hardest of hardcore otaku will be much amused.

Snap! Boy do I feel worthless now, because trust me, I am amused. Horrified, sure, shocked and ashamed, yes, but also highly amused.

That’s what she said

Normally a 22 or 24 episode series has me pretty much hooked by episode 15 or so, even if it’s half-shit. After all, that’s a major time investment I’ve already put in. Yes, a show should really be selling you by episode 3 at most, but sometimes I keep pressing on without really knowing why. Shakugan No Shana really took a while, I was pushed on simply by the occasional island of true brilliance in its sea of clichés.

But one series that has let my interest dwindle more the farther I go, rather than the opposite, is Texhnolyze. What is it about this show that can’t hold my attention? Let’s look at the facts:

• It’s about gangsters. Gangsters are rad! Everyone knows that.
• It has a creepy child. Creepy children rock the house.
• Cyberpunk, despite being a little passé nowadays, is still pretty swell.
• Juno Reactor, that sure as shit is better than some generic J-Pop.
• Broody anti-hero lead character, OK, I can deal.
• Atmosphere, atmosphere, atmosphere.

We should be good to go, right? Apparently not. I was really excited early on about this show, but my attention span is nonexistent as of about episode 16. What happened?

First off, they blew their wad pretty early on. The incredibly atmospheric, nearly dialog-free first couple episodes were outstanding. They were almost Lynch-ian, and like nothing else I’ve ever seen, although I saw shades of a sexed-up Lain (did that sound gross? I totally apologize). But they couldn’t hold that without totally alienating everyone trying to follow what the hell was going on, and the more I learned about the weird moss and the warring gangs, the less I cared. I loved Yoshi, who comes in for the express purpose of fucking with everything (and having a mustache), but without him the show became pretty standard young guy-joins-gangster-organization fare. Just without Al Pacino.

The animation also started to get to me. The job is really sub-par for Madhouse, both in character design and straight up quality. People aren’t distinctive, and drawn without any real appeal. Of course, they’re also written without any real appeal. I’m guessing that Ichise will manage to develop some sort of personality as a climactic event, but as of now his aimless floating through existence is not endearing to me.

And as for the plot… I accused Shana of introducing too many new elements all the time, but those are just standard anime plot contrivances designed to get the writers out of whatever corner they paint themselves into. Texhnolyze’s story just adds layer upon layer of humorless, dry intrigue that just isn’t very intriguing. I love following a complicated plotline, especially in a gangster story, but I really stopped caring a while ago.

I’m sure I’ll finish at some point, and maybe then I’ll change my tune, but as of right now it’s collecting dust. Which is a shame, because this seems like the kind of show that is designed to have some appeal to Western audiences, Akira-style. But when I’d rather watch the next Clannad than something with gangsters and cybernetic limbs, I think there might be something wrong.