But a re-release, such as the recently remastered Revolutionary Girl Utena, provides a great opportunity for a new group of people to share the experience they might have missed the first time around. One such person I’m fortunate enough to share this particular series with is animekritik, who’s braving a less than optimal computer to get his fix of swordfighting fantasy… shoujo?

kritik: I actually think when well done, shoujo is the most powerful of anime genres. What’s more powerful than the emotions of a teenage girl? rage, love, envy…
otou-san: you mean what’s more histrionic and melodramatic?
kritik: melodramatic, yes, overboard, yes. I like that in anime.
otou-san: I can’t argue that anime is a medium that does melodrama well.
kritik: What you do is you take all that emotion, which usually an outsider would think is plain silly, and make it the key to saving the universe or something of that sort.

He makes a good point. You want drama, teenage girls have it in spades. Though for some reason it surprised us both, Utena’s unmistakably shoujo— from the flowery borders, to the spindly, curly character designs, to the (cool and spicy) heroine in a boy’s uniform, this is aimed at the fairer demographic. Maybe that’s why it never made its way into my VCR the first time around — the shoujo overtones didn’t mesh with my more Kawajiri-focused taste. But if a pink-haired girl swordfighting amidst a metal soundtrack doesn’t sway you, I question your male status as well.

The story revolves around Utena Tenjou, who was given a rose ring as a child by a prince. Like any normal girl, she decides that she herself will become a prince. What? Utena has lived her life in a princely way thus far: she acts noble but never snobby, and she’s devoted to protecting the weak and bullied. One day she’s challenged to a duel — kendo, or so she thinks — for the honor of her friend Wakaba, but it turns out to be a bit more than a kendo match.

Neither kritik or I have a very clear idea of where this is going, but it shows up with all guns blazing and makes no apologies. The show doesn’t feel the need to over-explain just yet, it’s too busy exciting and confusing you. I thought that at the very least you could say that few first episodes were executed with incredible confidence:

kritik: Yes! Notice the show is done with the same confidence Utena shows in her dealings with the world… it’s like they’re in sync.

Then there’s the ballsy move to toss the viewers into a weird world without much explanation; it isn’t a move that a lot of anime tends to make. Recounting what happens to Utena from when she sets foot in the woods:

1. Bizarre door that appears to open via her rose ring.
2. Floating stairs that lead up to a surreal floating castle-like structure.
3. Anthy Himemiya in a dress, apparently engaged to a student council member, spouting a sword erotically from her chest.
4. A duel, between her with a kendo stick and her opponent with a real sword.

And not only does Utena appear ready for it, she manages to brush it off by the time she gets home.

kritik: [It's] fantasy after all. she wants to be a man (i.e., do as she wills, be strong) while she’s quite strongly against men (they travel in groups and beat the weak). She wants to be a prince, basically…
otou-san: but most fantasy has that grace period where the hero/ine, despite her dreams and imaginings, has to adjust to whatever fantastical situation she’s thrown into. I mean, I’d poop my pants, but the girl totally rolls with it.
kritik: it’s like a dream, where you immediately accept what’s happened and move on.

The dreamlike events and equally dreamlike logic of acceptance makes Utena’s opening episode one of the most unique out there. Where do we go from here? Well, our combination will start to take a more definite shape as the series itself does, and I hope that some of our volleys will unearth some thoughts and conclusions that we might not have come to alone. I’m sure that those of you who’ve seen Utena will enjoy reading our missed conclusions and wild speculation, but that’s part of the fun. Look forward to it — next week it’ll be kritik’s turn.

So what makes this wingnut/auteur so appealing? Let’s pick 5 and run with that (please note that after the jump this post may contain images of animated girls in their skivvies!):

Ownage.

SHAFT’s works are rarely original. And the word “writer” does not appear once on his IMDB or ANN profiles. But if I were a mangaka or author and I found out I’d be adapted by the man, I’d probably go home and cry and get to work on my next piece. It takes something as distinctive as Sayonara Zetsubo Sensei to retain its own identity in the face of a SHAFT adaptation. When your style is as distinctive as Shinbo’s, it’s bound to subsume the original to a degree — kinda like those guys in Spirited Away.

Angles.

Is it off-balance compositions? Is it long, Kubrick-esque one-point perspective shots? What about the fisheyes where the character’s head digitally turns all creepy-like? No! It’s jump cuts! If you’re a fan, then you probably have a favorite (mine is the off-balance composition ), but most of us love them all. Shinbo’s philosophy is that animation should be enjoyable to look at — that’s what it’s there for — so from hiring the best character designers to elaborately planning scenes, a well-done SHAFT work is a visual treat.

Words.

English words, Kanji, symbolic words presented as pictures or objects. They’re all here. Not just the Anno-ism of a giant word on an empty screen, silently jarring you into paying attention to the scene again. Not just the overtaking dread of ef’s NAZE or Bakemonogatari’s frightening Wordcrab, but all of these, and more.

And it’s not just about weighty symbols and crazy goose chases for hidden meaning, although that’s a huge part of the fun. Bakemonogatari proves that words and puns, much of which English speakers partially miss out on, can drive an entire story. Feelings vs. weight? Seems like a pretty thin thread on which to hang your plot, but it works. And even amidst that, Araragi and Senjougahara’s pun-riddled conversations tickle your brain into submission. Credit in the case of Bakemonogatari of course goes to author NisiOisin but his love of wordplay is brought to life here. From an interview with Shinbo on adapting Bakemonogatari:

Not only amusing characters and story, I also found the conversations to be peculiar. That’s why we should adapt those conversations as it is without any weird changes. Since I myself also want to see those conversations in the anime.

To make the boundary line between the letters and the visuals as vague as possible. Not only turns texts into visuals, but to leave the novel’s characteristics on them. This may sounds exaggerated; we’re finding the definitive technique in order to make Bakemonogatari anime. We’re also trying in on-screen texts’ direction we’ve been using up until now.

And I’ll say it again if I have to: phone card countdown.

Service.

Hideaki Anno proved a long time ago that fanservice and depth are not mutually exclusive. Whether aiming for the top(!) or embarking on an epic Jungian journey, tits, ass, and robots accompanied the Gainax helmsman on his voyage. Just as Anno more than likely influenced Shinbo’s use of text (I have no verification, just an educated guess), the Gainax Way creeps into SHAFT’s work.

Some may be turned off by parts — like ANN’s famed reaction to his most famous earlier work, Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha. But the boldness of Shinbo makes all those steam-filled bath scenes of normal anime seem downright juvenile and tame.

It’s not just about underage panty-shots or the incredibly lusty Senjougahara though — just as Nadesico taught us to “remonstrate love,” the wild Pani Poni Dash flew in the face of tribute/reference anime like Project A-Ko or Lucky Star with its never-ending supply of Gundam-infested chalkboards.

Sometimes it’s just staplers fucking.

Density

Those chalkboards exemplify the extreme sensory overload that is packed into every single episode of Bakemonogatari, or the best pieces of ef. The wordplay, the graphics, the visuals, the fanservice, they all come together with a density that the typical TV anime viewer never deals with. All this adds up to an experience that’s wholly unique. For me, in a sea of sameness, that’s more valuable than almost anything else. And as a bonus, it makes rewatching that much better.

I’m sure while getting all giddy over the usual goose chase I missed something. What was it? What do you love about Shinbo? Or, barring that — and I know you’re out there — why can’t you stand him?

Aoi Hana features, as Arudoc noted, Perky (Akira) and Pouty (Fumi), what I would imagine is a fairly standard pairing in these kinds of shoujo-cum-yuri series. They are, so far, not the most winsome characters ever. As is often the case with anime characters, assumptions are made and we’re encouraged to stick to them. The assumption here is that Fumi has something to offer as a friend, but in two episodes she’s really just whiny and needy. She cries constantly, she changes her mind quickly based on what she thinks a cute girl will be doing, and she puts ridiculous expectations on people like her cousin Chizu-chan. Akira is her foil — a reasonably genki-girl, at least within the slow and breezy pace of the series thus far (Minorin would be, obviously, out of place).

Character designs are nice, with a bent towards the plain you might see in less “sparkly” shoujo (if you know what I mean) such as Itazura Na Kiss. There’s nothing as exciting as the dynamic always-in-motion style of Toradora! or Hatsukoi Limited’s refined eye candy. There’s nothing particularly exotic about any of the characters, even the ones that I get the impression are supposed to seem slightly exotic. But there certainly isn’t anything terribly ugly either, and I never really worry about JC Staff making animation foibles so consistency is a plus too.

Everything here seems to be executed with soft focus — I suppose that’s the style, and even more than usual, the studio’s backgrounds are watercolored and pastel.

But even amidst all this, details of immersion are done really well: you can easily feel what it’s like to be at the train station, slump in defeated envy at Akira’s beautiful school, or climb under the downy covers of Fumi’s bed with her.

Now, maybe that’s not done quite as well as Bones has done it with their Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, which despite its cartoony style really has an eye for realistic body language and scenery. But Magnitude absolutely depends on a feeling of immersion — however interesting the characters might be, the earthquake and the world are the main characters here, or at least the main attraction.

Aoi Hana, on the other hand, is probably a simple love story and doesn’t require a level of believability beyond what any other basic anime might have. It only does what it does out of sheer devotion to a quality product, and here’s the kicker for me: if you’re not ready to dedicate yourself to an immersive, visual experience, what are you doing telling stories in a visual medium? Aoi Hana is proof that you can do that without action, mecha, fanservice, or psychedelic Shinbo-isms.

Does Pokemon count?

Regardless, I think I could probably write a script for one. Let’s give it a shot. I don’t really know the script format, though, so we’ll call this the novelization.

And now, OTOU-SAN VS. NEEDLESS, episode 1. Read it after the JUUUUUUUMP!

The Year is 200X

Otou-san stepped into the ruined city, which was somehow reminiscent of Fist of the North Star but also somehow kind of lame. NEEDLESS appeared before him in a flash of pencilly speed lines and economic movement ripped straight out of Gurren Lagann. He briefly grated a hard Parmigiano on his abs.

“A ha, SHIRTLESS,” said the cynical Otou-san, “When I saw a guy who looks like a poorly-drawn Kamina fan art, I knew it’d be you. Your reputation precedes you, and shames your studio, Madhouse.”

“That’s NEEDLESS!” shouted the bulky, pointy anime, who was adapted from a manga in Ultra Jump magazine. He dropped the cheese and flexed his giant arms as the camera dove low and some sort of artifical thunder boomed behind him.

Otou-san chuckled to himself because he knew that the viewers would love his humor — after all, calling someone something that isn’t their name is the near-pinnacle of sophisticated jokedom. If he could perhaps misunderstand some of NEEDLESS’s words that didn’t actually sound alike, he would secure a victory for sure. Only falling with your face in a character’s boobies can possibly compete, and he knew NEEDLESS didn’t have it in him — at least not yet.

“Maybe we should get started with this fighting thing,” Otou-san mused, or rather, shouted boldy as if challenging the stars. Perhaps he could in fact challenge the stars, since he was inexplicably flying through the air. But NEEDLESS only laughed a fake-ass belly laugh with his hands planted on his hips.

“I intend to do just that,” said the anime with increasing intensity as the camera zoomed closer over the rough terrain until finally it was in his eye. “But first, I must talk some more!!!”

Otou-san countered. “I don’t think so, cartoon show! EXPOSURE OF YOUR BIBLICAL NAMING SCHEME AS NOTHING BUT A WEAK EXCUSE FOR IMPLIED DEPTH!!” The attack rumbled forth from Otou-san’s stubby claws, and though no one could see — the name of the attack had taken up everyone’s entire field of vision — it cut a huge swath through the urban wreckage. There was no way it couldn’t crush NEEDLESS. Arudoc may be mean, but his assesment here was right. There’s nothing behind the names Adam, Eve, and Cruz. Not to mention, if Cruz’s elder sister didn’t turn out to actually be his mother, Otou-san pledged to himself right there to eat an ATM receipt he found.

But at the last second, NEEDLESS dodged.

“HAHA! KISAMA etc! No one watches these kinds of shows expecting depth anyway, so Adam, Eve, and Cruzchrist are already a step ahead of the competition!”

“NANI?” Otou-san’s eyes widened in fear and surprise.

“But… at your power level? This should —”

Before he could complete his admittedly banal thought process, NEEDLESS was upon him.

“POWER OF QUALITY SEIYUU VOICE!!”

Though again, only the attack’s name could be seen, it was briefly damaging to Otou-san. Indeed, Takehito Koyasu, Adam’s voice actor, is one of anime’s greats, with a leading role in Macross 7 (Gamlin) to boot. Add to that Initial D, Evangelion, Crest of the Stars, and of course his role as Excalibur in Soul Eater, and he’s a mighty force.

The attack was brief and the damage small, though: The rest of the cast is so highly annoying, especially Eve, that Otou-san was nearly unscathed. Besides, Koyasu was in To Love-Ru, and that was just plain shit.

[OK, maybe I can’t write this shit. So monotonous.]

CUT TO THE FINAL SCENE!!!!

NEEDLESS stumbled backward, pummeled from the force of the mighty blogger’s onslaught, though somehow his cape did not move in the huge wind.

But Otou-san’s eyes widened in fear yet again as a sweeping 2880-degree camera pan landed upon NEEDLESS’s lips, which curled slightly into a menacing sneer.

“This time,” the unrepentant anime said contemptuously, “you won’t escape.”

He raised his hands high, fingers curled into a mangled thorn bush.

“LITERAL INSULT ADDED TO FIGURATIVE INJURY!!!!!!”

The words stamped on the screen with a huge noise, and when they cleared, Otou-san was nearly destroyed.

“You bloggers think you know pandering. You know NOTHING! I would kill you, but I’d rather taunt you for at least 50 episodes and leave a burned scar on your mind, forcing you to re-evaluate everything you’ve ever called ‘pandering,’ ‘cancer,’ and ‘fanservice!’ I WILL TAKE YOUR EYEBALLSS TO SCHOOL AND BEAT THEM SENSELESS OUT BEHIND THE SHED!!!”

Otou-san cowered, for he had heard of this devastating attack. But it was too late.

“ENDING CREDITS BUUUUUREEEEEAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

And if you don’t know what happens next, read this tweet, then read this tweet, then go watch this if you think you have the stones and are not at work or in the presence of a lady.

And since any good American cartoon always had a moral, here’s mine: Watch that ED. Enjoy it. Replay it. Take your laptop to the bathroom if you must, but I plead: Don’t let it be the reason you come back next week. If you do, the terrorists win.

At least, that’s what happened in the animated world.

In the third dimension, something somewhat less earth-shattering happened: I was born.

Fast forward thirty years. Gundam celebrates its anniversary with a new series announcement, international Tomino appearances, and of course a giant life-size Gundam in Tokyo, while my birthday goes by without so much as an whining post.

I have, however, set out to celebrate my thirtieth year in a truly Gundam-tastic way by finally starting my journey into the grandaddy real robot franchise. I am beginning, appropriately, with the 0079 movies.

Fifty episodes for the series is a bit of a stretch for me these days, and besides — mechafetish and ghostlightning pointed me to the movies with their helpful Gateway Gundam Chooser®.

I’m partially through the second movie, but rather than keep waiting to post, I thought I’d get out my impressions of the first.

War Sucks

The big thing that sticks out in my mind is the grim, unending portrait of war: Even in the spacefaring future, war is a bleak proposition that kills families, keeps you from sleep, and conscripts unwilling civilians by virtue of the the simple fact that everyone else is fucking dead.

Kawamori, as big a hippie as he is, has always been just goofy enough in Macross’s execution that he couldn’t dream of getting his anti-war message across as effectively as Tomino (I’m thinking of Super Dimension Fortress’s portrait of the scorched earth and Macross Zero’s valkyrie attack on Mayan island). Then again, that’s likely the intent — it’s understandable that he’d want to make something of an antidote to Gundam’s incessant darkness.

The power behind Gundam’s “war is hell” message is in how it tests of your endurance. Like Amuro, you’re never given a break from White Base’s endless assault. It is a tiring, interminable thing. That’s not to say it’s repetitious, like a monster-of-the-week thing. The monotony of the fight actually adds to the intensity of viewing.

Sound effects (of war sucking)

Have you ever paid attention to the sound effects in Gundam?

The grinding and creaking of metal on metal, the clink of spent shells falling to the ground, the endless sounds of gunfire and cannon explosions: this too contributes to the grimness of the viewer’s insertion into the middle of a war. Sound effects are an aspect of anime that’s often pushed aside in favor of the more “glamorous” parts of audio, like voice acting or background score. But here, the reality of the sounds (exact opposite would be Macross 7’s awful sound effects which were obviously created on a single synthesizer by a drunken panda, or any anime that uses energy weapons instead of rattling bullets) immerses you further, and helps put the “real” in “real robot.”

Sophistication (with caveats)

Those are only two of Gundam’s traits that, along with superior script, animation, and acting, lead to its status as a truly sophisticated anime. Take a step back: what does sci-fi anime mean pre-Gundam? It means super robots and Leiji Matusumoto. I love both of these, but at their heart they are simple boyish fantasies of running around with pirates or giant robots and saving the world. Sunrise’s animation (which still tends to rise above most others) brings Tomino’s story to life in a way that Yamato and Harlock couldn’t have dreamed of, and when you plop the hard-ass script in there, you have a new generation of animation.

That said, it still feels transitional in a lot of ways, and the biggest is Char. The Red Comet, brilliant as he is in his Don Johnson leisure suit and shades, is basically a super villain, and as a result he undermines the “realities of war” aspect. He’s less one-dimensional than say, Dr. Hell or the Burning Legion of Matsumoto’s Misogyny, but he remains a single Cobra Commander-like target when a more appropriate message would be that there is no head to the beast you fight in a war.

Scope of influence

Well, duh. I knew. To say Gundam is influential is probably the understatement of thirty years. But to really see it in action — the real robots, the unwilling mecha pilot, the works — is to know where the things you love came from.

SLAP

I don’t think there’s much I need to say about Gundam’s face-slap fetish, either. It’s not just the legendary Brightslap. It starts with Amuro backhanding Fraw Bow and doesn’t stop until war suddenly becomes pleasant.

Here’s a further visual aid (courtesy ghostlightning).

Moving on

Complaints aside, the first movie was a riveting watch, and I’ve been more than pleased that I don’t have to watch it as a “well, that’s cool for its time” academic exercise. It’s well-animated (not exactly Do You Remember Love?, but what is?) and sufficiently exciting to watch on its own merits nowadays. I’m stoked to continue on with these movies, and from there, who knows?

Allow me to work my way towards my point step-by-step:

What is a parody?

There are a lot of anime adaptations of light novel series. Like manga, they seem tailor-made for it narrative-wise. Unlike manga, they leave a lot more room for interpretation. A great adaptation, whether it’s TV, theater, animation, or cinema, is like a great cover song in the musical world: It stays true to the intent or spirit of the original, but it adds something that makes the adaptation viable as an original work.

Tatsuya Ishihara and Kyoto Animation added plenty of well-realized visuals and clever directing, but more than that, the anime crew gave us the idea of Haruhi Suzumiya as a smart, tongue-in-cheek meta-anime — a commentary on the medium and a very sly parody of some of its tropes. The last time I can remember something similar so masterfully executed was the king of the meta-anime-parody Martian Successor Nadesico. And the parallels are there, to be sure: like her counterpart and equivalent Ruri, Yuki Nagato became more than just a thinly-disguised spoof of anime’s light-blue-haired monotone heroines.

Since I came at Haruhi from the anime angle first, and Tanigawa’s books later, the crafty little parody aspects of the show hit me harder than some of the story or character elements. Think of episode zero for a minute. How often do you groan and hear Kyon’s voiceover in your head when you see an anime pan up to the sky?

What is moe?

ANN defines moe as:

A Japanese term used in connection with manga or anime to describe something precious, usually (but not always) the ideal of youthful and innocent femininity. Written with the kanji for “to bud or sprout” (萌), the concept covers a range of ideal behaviour for youthful female characters in manga or anime. To be moe, a character can be eager or perky, not overly independent, and call forth a desire in the viewer to protect them and nurture them.

I would have also accepted “the cancer that’s killing anime.”

The issue of moe-ness is in itself contentious enough, since people seem to get their moe on for everything from lolis to Valkyries, but far worse is the accusation of “moe pandering.”

That term is generally used by mouth-breathers who learned the definition of “pandering” yesterday to try to invalidate the target at which it’s aimed, e.g.:

“There’s really no merit in [K-ON/Saki/Ranka/Kanon/Strike Witches/Mazinger Z], because it’s moe pandering.”

There’s no doubt that moe sells DVDs (and oppai mousepads and castoff figures and doujins and maid cafes and…), so the Uguu Menace finds its way into even the most unlikely anime these days. But the anihedron has become a dangerously thoughtless place because we see a couple characteristics of female characters and instantly accuse a show of “moe pandering.”

It can be a really harmful charge to level at an otherwise competently put together series, but more importantly it’s a reactionary judgment that arrives at the expense of real critical thinking. And while you’re having your knee-jerk, something else might be going on.

In Haruhi’s case, that something else is a walking piss-take on moe. Its name is Mikuru Asahina.

What is Mikuru?

It wasn’t always obvious what Mikuru was. I suppose I first noticed when, I dunno, I was told fairly blatantly. Haruhi’s original molestation of Mikuru included an announcement of just how moe she was, and while I guess some people see the interaction as “pandering” (an accusation that continued to get lobbed at Lucky Star’s self-referential humor), it sounded to me like the fourth wall breaking down. They even put her in a maid costume for no fucking reason. Come on.

To me, the more blobby and cowering she gets, the funnier it is. To me, the creators’ smirks are as obvious as Koizumi’s. To me, it’s a great way to make your detractors look more idiotic, even as  — here’s the rub — on one level, they might be right. For the parody to work really well, it has to be effective on its own level, and to a certain viewer class I suppose it is. But Mikuru’s a long way removed from Makoto, Misuzu, or the perpetually sickly Nagisa.

I suppose there’s always ghostlightning’s old argument that intent is irrelevant because the only thing that matters to a final product is whatever inference the viewer/reader puts into a work. That angle would say that it’s a parody because I see it that way, while it’s pandering because someone else sees it that way.

As he knows, I don’t really buy that to any large extent — in fact, I’m willing to just say that you’re wrong and you’ve missed the point entirely. It seems as clear as the furrows on Kyon’s brow. It’s like listening to Weird Al’s “Eat It” in the 80s and saying to yourself, “I don’t get why that guy is trying so hard to cash in on Michael Jackson’s stardom by covering one of his songs.”

But. My primary point renders the argument of “Am I right about parody?” irrelevant.

What is my point?

I think when Owen S. calls people “memeparrots,” he’s referring to certain parties on either side. That means easy bandwagoning or mindless echoing of popular bloggers’ forced memes. It also means tossing unsupported accusations like “moe pandering” out there. As I like to say, absolutes are always wrong.

While Haruhi is quite clever, it can do wrong. Lone Island Syndrome? Kinda lame, and I hope they don’t animate its ski-trip counterpart. On the flipside, pandering does exist, but I doubt it’s the basis of everything Kyoto Animation does. I’ll give haters this: Fumoffu?! seriously pandered to my machine gun teddy-bear moe.

Dig? All coins have two sides, including Haruhi, who is at turns both God and the Devil.

This isn’t just about Mikuru, and it isn’t just about “Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody,” or Haruhi Suzumiya. It’s about seeing things as a little more than their topmost dimension. It’s also about thinking, viewing, judging and most of all enjoying or disliking for yourself rather than sheeping your way to one side or another of an internet argument.

Yep.

Anyway, seeing as how we’re not getting another Futakoi Alternative, I grabbed a couple episodes of Hatsukoi (”First Love”) Limited. I guess I kinda thought it was a shoujo, but the sort of pervy vibe that permeates the whole thing tells me otherwise. Now, I’ve never read the manga, and I suppose the writer, along with JC Staff’s director, might be going the Girls’ High route — i.e., kids are pretty fucked up balls of hormones so let’s reflect on their lives with low-ass camera angles and tight pink shorts. Fortunately, the first two episodes were far more entertaining than Girls’ High’s entire retarded run. Granted, that’s not saying much, but still.

Not what you think.

That said, what you have is a cute story of interconnecting first loves — so far, middle schooler Ayumi has a crush on charming Mamoru, who carried her fireman-style to the nurse after she fainted from the fear of being courted/stalked by Mamoru’s own high school-age beast of a brother Misao. Further exascerbating the convolution is Mamoru’s own crush: he and Misao’s childhood friend Misaki, who’s two years older, sees him as a little brother, and isn’t interested in gettng mixed up with boys right now. But wears tight pink shorts and crawls through his window. Good God, poor kid.

why, exactly?

Misao is a funny character (if not that original), a giant stubbly Ikki Tousen extra who can pound any kid in Japan but folds his laundry neatly, feeds the birds, and has an inescapable crush on a middle schooler. Yeah, it’s a tiny touch creepy but is painted as just pathetic enough to work. And when he nobly comes to her rescue, well, it’s a little touching.

touching.

Ayumi-chan is a little heap of moe who’s not so defenseless as to be annoying or even too typical, but her shimapan (which are usually symbolic of immaturity) give away her underlying personality. Misaki is the typical mature-girl archetype who of course will find out she’s not as adult as she thought, etc. I’m not sure how much any of the rest of the large cast will fit into this; are their stories going to be involved in the web of panties and love as well?

and I'll love her and hug her and squeeze her and call her George

At any rate, this was a bit dumb but a decent watch. I was sufficiently entertained by the light humor, cute story of poor Misao, and of course the tight pink shorts. The age of some characters is a little scandalous for my taste, but the show has some real production values so the pantyshots seem a little less gratuitous than if they were just thrown into a cheap-ass show to keep people watching (Gonzo, I love you still, but I’m looking right at you). Also, the thugs’ argument about taking a poop was gold. I’ll keep watching for now.

Basquash!

Pre-airing thoughts: I don’t like sports. Never have. To me the fact that I was always a scrawny dork who was never any good at them was the reason I ended up an anime fan to begin with. Eyeshield, Slam Dunk, Hajime No Ippo, none of these ever really held any interest for me (although I know Riex and Choujin shake their heads when I say that about Ippo). But Basquash! has something they don’t: Shoji Kawamori. Does that mean the basketball players all sing? Probably not, but they do ride mecha, so we’re halfway to something.

duckies

First episode thoughts: Wow. Kawamori or no, this was cool. Mr. Macross’s studio of choice for the past couple installments, Satelight, may have even upped the ante from their impressive start of Macross Frontier. The look actually reminds me of Manglobe’s sweaty, sunny setting of Michiko & Hatchin, but of course with a stylishly futuristic wardrobe department. Dan seems to be a decent Black Star-esque protagonist with a good seiyuu and a “[insert thing] Mask” alter ego. Then of course, there’s lots of really well done CG of the “bigfoot” mecha whose cockpits are all 50s hot-rod-looking cars. I guess that’s the rock and roll angle of Kawamori’s designs. All in all, a fun ride of an opening with lots of great action and sufficient boobs to hold visual interest. Everything moved so fast, it was actually hard to get a screencap.

Careful! Lest these things Gainax all over the cockpit

What will go wrong: Kawamori isn’t the story or script writer, although the whole idea and design is his. So he can’t blow the ending by forgetting to think one up until he’s writing the last episode. Satelight can, however, do what they must have done with Frontier. That is, they could animate the 5 most important episodes first and fill in the rest with whatever tiny amount of cash they haven’t blown. For every hyper-impressive visual tour de force like this one, let’s hope there aren’t three all-out shitfests to follow.

Eden of the East

Pre-airing thoughts: I can’t say as I had any. I didn’t know anything about this series other than it’d be animated by Production IG, and would have music by Kenji Kawai and… Oasis.

First episode thoughts: From the looks of it, Eden of the East is going to shape up to be a bit of a shoujo romance with a twist of intrigue, much like last year’s Library War. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that that series lacked in both Libraries and War, but the romantic aspect was really not too badly done. So far, my ability to believe everything in episode 1 was strongly tested, but I am always ready to put that aside in the name of setup as long as it doesn’t go too far. After all, the premise of armed librarians was pretty fucking hard to swallow too, but it turned out that didn’t matter.

George Washington's Phallus looms ominously over our Japanese protagonist. Coincidence? Or symbolism?

In the end, it barely mattered what I didn’t believe because the execution was staggering. Facial expressions and body language effortlessly pulled off without all that Lucky Star/A-1 pictures simplification of design. CG integrated near-seamlessly into the slick cel work, and the traced photo backgrounds didn’t put me off at all (except for the fact that I have to go to Dulles airport next week). The Oasis OP was marvelous — even though I’m not a fan, the slick Western rock added a level of polish that really helped the full experience — and the cut-paper stop-motion ending sequence even better. OH! Also, they hired English-speaking voice actors to do the American parts. Nice touch.

What will go wrong: There won’t be enough Eden, or East. Saki, who looks a little like Itazura Na Kiss’s Kotoko, will turn out to be just as pathetic. And strangers will give up their hard-earned pants without question when I flash my balls at them.

Saki

Pre-airing thoughts: There is a series on Crunchyroll. I pay for Crunchyroll. Maybe I should watch it.

This is right, isn't it?

First episode thoughts: Gonzo? Well, they can make it work when it counts, but they seem stretched pretty thin this season. Possible Yuri? OK, I’m listening. Loudmouthed fanged loli eating tacos? I dunno, I’m losing interest. Mah Jong? Whoops. Gone.

Screencap not available. Artist's rendition of Saki.

Also, already watching one show with a lead character named Saki.

What will go wrong: I will actually watch this. That would be a problem. I have better things to do. Like go to the taco truck down the street. It kind of pains me to think of what a taco would taste like in Japan, which is why no matter how large a weaboo I become in some parallel world, I will still never go there for any extended period of time.

K-ON

Pre-airing thoughts: The script writer from Aria, Ghost Hunt, and quite a few other fantastic light-hearted series adapts a musical manga. OK, I’m listening. But when it’s animated by Kyoto animation, whose beloved status comes at least partially from Haruhi’s Super Effective rock concert scene, even more ears start perking up. This information tells me I can expect: Cute girls, animation accuracy in musical scenes, and a solid script. Will it deliver? Dunno.

You get the idea.

First ep thoughts: Holy shit. If you want moe, you got it. Looks like our lead girl is the Ultimate Dojikko, constantly tripping, falling, failing, crying, being afraid, etc. I can’t tell if I want to squeal in delight or shoot myself. The art looks a lot more like Kyoto Animation defectors A-1 pictures than Kyoto themselves, which is interesting but I’m unsure why. I’m also not sure if I hate this or not, but I’ll continue for the moment. I’m not expecting another Lucky Star by any means (I think we have Haruhi-chan for that), but let’s hope it’s just more than “[insert series] plus music.”

Shangri-La

Pre-airing thoughts: Well, I think Range Murata’s designs are great. A weird mix of cute and hot that you can only get in anime. Of course, that goes for the post-apocalyptic setting as well, and the two should add up to the kind of sexy action adventure that Gonzo does best (when they don’t overdo it).

You get at least part of the idea.

First ep thoughts: Gonzo has taken the Murata designs and simplified them, Druaga-style, until they lack most of their imagination. I’m not sure how I feel about it, but the sweeping cinematic style of some of the opener’s scenes and setup is promising. The future based around the extreme but somewhat-logical conclusion of global warming is intriguing, but could go in either the “effective world-building” direction or the “overcomplicated nonsense” direction. A technical note: Crunchyroll shows TV Tokyo’s uninteresting (to me) offerings in 720p, but Gonzo’s simulcasts are in SD. What gives?

Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Pre-airing thoughts: Wait, there’s a new Fullmetal Alchemist?

You get the idea.

First ep thoughts: I seriously noticed this 5 seconds before downloading. Oh wait, Funi’s streaming it? No wonder their video portal site is down. So I was surprised to find that it’s not really a sequel. Is it necessary to reuild FMA as a true-to-the-manga update with slightly more CG and different character design? Don’t get me wrong, I’ll sniff anything Bones shits out, but I’m not sold on this yet. The series isn’t even very old. I’ll continue for a while though, because episode one featured some familiar characters doing their thing, and the action was solid and fun.

Shin Mazinger Shougeki Z Hen

Pre-airing thoughts: So, it’s not a sequel. It’s not a remake. Right. Well, either way, it’s a trip down memory lane for me, with arguably the first robot I ever watched on TV. I’m not certain whether it was Voltron or Mazinger Z (Tranzor Z) but the Rocket Punch will forever stand out in my mind.

HOLY JESUS FUCK SHITSICLE

First ep thoughts: I… wh… um. It just… holy — motherfucker. FUCK. OH MY GOD.

11:14:23 PM otou-san: thanks for writing a half sensible post on mazinger
11:15:00 PM ghostlightning: lol thanks
11:15:14 PM otou-san: I was reduced to sputtering idiocy
11:15:39 PM ghostlightning: i did notice people were just shitting bricks and calling them posts
11:15:56 PM ghostlightning: but i don’t blame anyone
11:16:11 PM ghostlightning: awesome show is awesome

Here I am, calling this brick-shitting a post. Remember a few seasons ago when Soul Eater started? It was an insane ride from minute one of style and action. It was something new, and it was exciting. This, however, is something old and exciting. It drops you, the viewer, into the dead middle of a situation that you can’t possibly begin to handle and then throws as many robots, heroes, villains, explosions, and called-out attacks as it can at you until you’re reduced to a stuttering, drooling, mess of Super Robot lover. Again I’ll invoke ghostlightning, who led me to the conclusion that my beloved Gainax SR beasts like Gunbuster are made to bring about a child-like state, but reward your adult love with cleverness and references. This Mazinger, along with Imagawa’s Giant Robo OVA (which I’m in desperate need of seeing) are actually for the kids. That doesn’t mean you’re too old for it, though. Check this shit out, it’s so brutally amazing. I’m gonna go watch it again.

OH HAI. It’s been a little while (like 2 weeks) since I wrote a post, a nice little roundup of Kannagi that no one cared about. It’s true, but I bought a house and I’m moving in. I’ve had other things on my mind.

What could bring me out of such important real-life matters and onto the webertron again? Fucking right Batman, it’s the best show of the winter ‘09 season:

Akikan.

Let me repeat that for you just so you know what I’m talking about. This time with feeling:

Akikan.

Since short posts are the hallmark of idiocy, let me honor this marvel of animation with as many words as are appropriate for its intelligence level:

…

But barring that, how about a neat summation list, since the last one worked out so damn well:

Pros:

The Fruity Menace. When Jun Fukuyama provides us with even a taste of his LeDouche voice, it’s the aural equivalent of (horrible plot device alert) that kind of rape that you like by the end.

Najimi. Lolikitsune filled a gap (ewww) in my moonspeak knowledge — apparently “osana najimi” means “childhood friend.” So maybe you’re not the only person who thought her character was horribly obvious. Maybe tongues are placed in cheeks on this one?

JUICE. You heard it here first: The word of the season is “juice.” I’m here for you to drink my juice, how dare you drink other juice, I can’t wait until later in the season when girls are drinking other girls’ juice, etc. This is a third-grade-level joke that can only get better as it’s beaten into the ground.

Kakeru is a beast. When a magical female appears before his naked form, instead of blushing, running away, and getting into some Gropey Misunderstanding, he gets into a crab-walk position, thrusts his pelvis, and shouts “it’s showtime!” Fuck you, Rito Yuuki. Tenchi would be proud.

Grape soda? Is grape soda yet to come? YOU GON’ GET GRAPED!

Cons:

Holy shit, brain cells melting. Can turns into girl when you drink it. Sometimes goes flat, has to have carbon dioxide pumped in. Through the mouth. It’s 110% as dumb as it sounds.

Melon is not an appealing Magical Girlfriend style character. Not that we’re expecting Nagi-sama here, but she’s not too swell and her voice isn’t pleasant. But at least she’s only the beginning of what is likely to be a steel and aluminum harem.

Tons of clichés. You have to wonder if the Najimi joke actually is intentional, considering Melon’s constant “baka!” and “hentai!” yelling, which lead up to a Naru-level attack on Kakeru.

Homophobia. Ah, yes. The ol’ boy-raper character. Suteki. Then again, you have to start getting your cartoons from another country if you want to eliminate homophobia altogether. At least there’s no double standard with magically yuri-licious girls; the lesbian is pretty nasty too (I mean that in the best possible way).

So there you have it.

Even more than a lot of other teenage otaku wish-fulfilment fantasy anime, Akikan is offensive as balls. When you pull the tab on Melon’s ear, she turns back into a can and there’s nothing she can do about it. Kakeru (Bakakeru sometimes, har har) has already pulled it because she got chatty and jealous, and that’s just one episode. If you think this is going to go anywhere good, I question how much anime you’ve seen. Already there have been hints that they’re gonna go for sweet, but Love Hina it ain’t.

However, Akikan’s shamelessness and potential for Madcap Antics® could elevate it from your typical stupid harem to something of a truly Tenchi-esque nature. I’m not saying it’s likely, but there were a few laughs that were actually intentional. So it’s possible.