I recognize that I’m not the monstrous robot nerd that some of the people in this competition are, but that just keeps me from nominating obscure hipster robots that no one else will nominate and have no chance of getting in the thing. So here we go, troll away you assholes:
I can hear the taunts about surfing now, dudes, and yeah it’s named after a $400 bass synthesizer but it’s pretty obvious that I have to nominate a machine so badass that you have to shoot yourself full of drugs just to keep yourself from blacking out like Kawamori in a fighter jet. It can surf Trapars in the atmosphere or boost seamlessly into motherfucking space.
Viggers/Centinental HWR–00 Monster Mk II Heavy Weight Robot
This fucking thing. It was an antique when its old crew manned it to blast Protodeviln. It’s a mechanical marvel to the dedication of humanity, a brute-force machine that relies very little on the alien overtechnology that powers the Macross and the Valkyries, instead relying on missile launchers and massive cannons with a 160km range. Looks best with a picture of Minmay taped inside the Soviet-esque cockpit.
Come at me, ghostlightning. You can’t stop this fucking thing. Any robot this ugly better be powerful, nay, unbeatable, but it fits the bill. If Unit 01 can win, why not the OG of “technology we don’t understand and will kill us all?”
Shinsei VF–19 Excalibur Custom with Guitar Control
Listen to my song! I was worried I’d be the only one nominating this, but at least one other person has. Heavy weaponry be damned, it’s pretty hard to go up against the power of music… the Power To The Dream.
Shinsei VF–11B Thunderbolt
Bucking the trend of space- or atmosphere-only variable fighters that was going on at the time, the VF–11 could do both just like the original Valkyrie. Its more than 20-year run of active service far outstrips the original VF–1A, and nearly every great pilot post-Space War flew one, including Isamu Dyson (though he’s probably better known for flying the YF–19) and Millia Jenius. A workhorse like this isn’t going to catch the eye of most nominators, but hey if I have to vote for the VF–1 instead then I’ll glady do it.
While he’s more often put to work roleplaying as a video game character or washing dishes, Canti can repel any transdimensional invaders as necessary, even if said invaders are mostly just metaphors for oncoming puberty. Name a shape he can’t transform into. Maybe he’s not the most powerful robot in the world, but I’d like to see Unit 01 do your laundry.
Listen to its song! Unit 01 couldn’t carry a tune in a paper bag.
I doubt anyone will be surprised to say “Welcome Back” to this machine this year (grooooooan). Whatever your robot is, it doesn’t look this cool with its arms crossed.
Everything about it is amazing, including anything you can say about it. “Uranus can fire beams.” “Uranus generates a powerful shield.” Do you feel like an 8-year-old giggling in health class? Good, because I will pummel you with… Uranus. As long as the Incident at Bashtarle isn’t being recreated for some reason, its Shizuma Drive power will keep it going well after your gas, nuclear, or (lol Unit 01) reserve non-umbilical power source is long dead. And if for some reason things look bad — maybe it’s fighting Gunbuster? It’s the only acceptable scenario — I just detach the head and it’s peace, bitches!
- The Big Zam narrowly missed a spot because… you know why.
- Guilty Crown’s Endlaves almost made it for great skating action, but as Schneider pointed out a long time ago, remote controlling robots but still having a dangerous, painful, and potentially deadly brain link to them is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.