Shameful Otaku Secret!

And stands… at attention

OH HAI. It’s been a little while (like 2 weeks) since I wrote a post, a nice little roundup of Kannagi that no one cared about. It’s true, but I bought a house and I’m moving in. I’ve had other things on my mind.

What could bring me out of such important real-life matters and onto the webertron again? Fucking right Batman, it’s the best show of the winter ‘09 season:

Akikan.

Let me repeat that for you just so you know what I’m talking about. This time with feeling:

Akikan.

Since short posts are the hallmark of idiocy, let me honor this marvel of animation with as many words as are appropriate for its intelligence level:

…

But barring that, how about a neat summation list, since the last one worked out so damn well:

Pros:

The Fruity Menace. When Jun Fukuyama provides us with even a taste of his LeDouche voice, it’s the aural equivalent of (horrible plot device alert) that kind of rape that you like by the end.

Najimi. Lolikitsune filled a gap (ewww) in my moonspeak knowledge — apparently “osana najimi” means “childhood friend.” So maybe you’re not the only person who thought her character was horribly obvious. Maybe tongues are placed in cheeks on this one?

JUICE. You heard it here first: The word of the season is “juice.” I’m here for you to drink my juice, how dare you drink other juice, I can’t wait until later in the season when girls are drinking other girls’ juice, etc. This is a third-grade-level joke that can only get better as it’s beaten into the ground.

Kakeru is a beast. When a magical female appears before his naked form, instead of blushing, running away, and getting into some Gropey Misunderstanding, he gets into a crab-walk position, thrusts his pelvis, and shouts “it’s showtime!” Fuck you, Rito Yuuki. Tenchi would be proud.

Grape soda? Is grape soda yet to come? YOU GON’ GET GRAPED!

Cons:

Holy shit, brain cells melting. Can turns into girl when you drink it. Sometimes goes flat, has to have carbon dioxide pumped in. Through the mouth. It’s 110% as dumb as it sounds.

Melon is not an appealing Magical Girlfriend style character. Not that we’re expecting Nagi-sama here, but she’s not too swell and her voice isn’t pleasant. But at least she’s only the beginning of what is likely to be a steel and aluminum harem.

Tons of clichés. You have to wonder if the Najimi joke actually is intentional, considering Melon’s constant “baka!” and “hentai!” yelling, which lead up to a Naru-level attack on Kakeru.

Homophobia. Ah, yes. The ol’ boy-raper character. Suteki. Then again, you have to start getting your cartoons from another country if you want to eliminate homophobia altogether. At least there’s no double standard with magically yuri-licious girls; the lesbian is pretty nasty too (I mean that in the best possible way).

So there you have it.

Even more than a lot of other teenage otaku wish-fulfilment fantasy anime, Akikan is offensive as balls. When you pull the tab on Melon’s ear, she turns back into a can and there’s nothing she can do about it. Kakeru (Bakakeru sometimes, har har) has already pulled it because she got chatty and jealous, and that’s just one episode. If you think this is going to go anywhere good, I question how much anime you’ve seen. Already there have been hints that they’re gonna go for sweet, but Love Hina it ain’t.

However, Akikan’s shamelessness and potential for Madcap Antics® could elevate it from your typical stupid harem to something of a truly Tenchi-esque nature. I’m not saying it’s likely, but there were a few laughs that were actually intentional. So it’s possible.

Posted Thursday, January 15th, 2009 at 6:54 pm
Categories: comedy, first impressions, harem
Tags: akikan,bad anime,cans