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I understand now: Clannad sucks.

Approximately 744 minutes wasted

I hate the opening girl and robot. I used to like it, but probably for its extreme smooth CG-ness. Now it’s a lot of empty pretense with nothing to back it up. It’s not like this is ef.

I hate the OP. I’ve always hated the Key OPs with their rundown of girls and their names. I think we can keep Airhead Mamiko Noto, Ass Beater, Weaksauce Main Girl, Tsundere and her sister straight. For real. So just continue fading scenes in and out like in a real drama. A real shitty drama I wouldn’t watch. And the music sucks. Generic and bland, with the barest hint of melody, it passes by so irritatingly inoffensively, it actually offends me.

That bland softness carries to the rest of the show, too. From friendly street gangs to Okazaki and Sunohara’s implied deliquency, everything seems to have a fluffy coating around it. Actual pain, trouble, and strife are for different anime. It’s almost as if Clannad is just representing everything that happens, rather than simply showing it to us. And maybe that’s a fault of anime in general, but maybe it just sucks.

Clannad Real Life
Being trapped in a storage closet ends in awkward laughter and embarrassed sidelong glances. Being trapped in a storage closet ends in awkward sex.
Kid’s big sister went off to join a street gang at 21, and they take good care of her. Kid’s big sister went off to join a street gang at 15, and they force her into prostitution.
Everyone helps the weird weak girl who can’t act start a theater club. Everyone beats the weird girl.
One kid can help every girl in his school solve her problems. One kid can help every girl in his school solve her virginity problems.

I’m sure you can think of plenty more.

I just can’t deal with this silly chaste world anymore. American licensors like US Manga always used to run those commercials at the beginning of their tapes, with fun slogans like “this shit’s not for kids yarrrrrrrg” while showing some tooth-encrusted vagina-like orifice swallow up a guy (probably from Wicked City). How accurate that statement might have been, I dunno. But Clannad? Kids’ stuff. I’m gonna go watch Pokémon now.

Fuck these (56) Comments.

  1. Maximillion Genius says:

    they say the after story was bullshit