Shameful Otaku Secret!

Strategy Guide

What you say?

I realize I lost some people last week, so here’s a summary in advance. One run-on sentence apiece.

To Love-Ru: Some heretofore-unintroduced Queen of the School starts a rivalry with Lala and ends up mistakenly blasting Lala’s space-capsule bedroom into the sky — it’s a lot like that one episode of Ah! My Goddess but with nudity.

Kanokon: Nozumu’s brother puts a magical abstinence bracelet on Kouta, but the combined force of all the furries plus the Kouta/Chizuru combo defeats him and he takes it off — it’s a lot like Inuyasha with nudity.

But instead of our normal deathmatch recap, let’s take a minute to examine strategy. How have these two players put their game together? Read on to find out…

Combatant: To Love-Ru. Zastin is funny, but not because of anything the writers did. He’s just a big alien in a big suit doing normal things, and they will mine that until this shit is over. Here, Zastin, drink a juice box. Walk down the street. Wash dishes. Scare children. It gets a chuckle for now, but how long will I put up with such laziness?

Combatant: Kanokon/both. I put a slash in there because both shows tend to use the breasts, but Kanokon’s are… well, they’re just right out there, aren’t they?

Combatant: To Love-Ru. AKA “hide the fanservice.” People talk a lot about how TLR is nothing but fanservice, but on closer examination, this shrewd player rarely “serves” you at all. These moves are funny in say, Haruhi, or Pani Poni Dash!, but this show has no laughs to begin with.

Combatant: Kanokon. Not much to say about this one, it’s a small attack but hard to counter and used so rapidly at time, it leaves opponents dizzy and unable to recover from a real whopper like the H-Spank Piledriver.

Combatant: Kanokon. The cousin of that last attack, this one is harder to pull off but with its potential for added Suffocation Bonus can be straight-up deadly.

Combatant: To Love-Ru. The cousin to, and often used in conjunction with, Soap Foam Scissor and Lens Flare Leg Drop, this allows the wielder to “serve” even early time slots (in the face!) without fear.

Combatant: Kanokon. This is less an actual attack than a demoralizing boast maneuver, sort of a fluffing out of the chest. It says, “Look, you pansy! Look! I can handle this, while you amazingly cannot!” It can be devastating when applied properly.

Combatant: To Love-Ru. Now some of you might say that being highly derivative is not an asset, but To Love-Ru is harnessing the power of its ancestors for a Dragonball-like finishing move that it apparently has yet to unleash. Whether it’s Ah! My Goddess, Tenchi Muyo!, or for the love of god, some kids’ version of Urotsukidoji, you might feel like you’ve seen this before. But that’s when it hits you. I think.

Combatant: Both. This was a To Love-Ru only maneuver only a couple weeks ago, but Kanokon’s been watching its opponent, ready to smash TLR with its own move. Unfortunately, this is a difficult and risky move that can cause a fighter to miss out on a lot of more surefire attacks, and in a show like this it tends to just be really stupid.

Wrap-up.

I hope this gives you some insight into how these matches are constructed week after week by these two plucky but pea-brained pugilists. By the way… it was close this week, but I feel obligated to continue giving the report. And even though it might be a sympathy vote, Kanokon’s combat-centric hijinks disappointed me (at least the “me” who writes these posts), so for the first time ever… I give the victory to To Love-Ru!

- otou-san out!

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 8th, 2008 at 5:00 pm and is filed under Ecchi Death Match 08, Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.